I'm nearly caught up with Canada photos now. Which is a good thing as I've started to take some more from real life again. Above is our whale watching trip off Digby. As you can see, we caught up with a couple of humpback whales and observed them feeding, rising out of the water vertically to bash down (don't know why but it was pretty impressive!) and, mostly, arching their backs out of the water before diving down into the deep with a fourish of tail. The last set of photos shows just how close they came to the boat sometime, in fact that one was so close it was a bit worrying but absolutely beautiful. I felt sorry for the many people riven by seasickness who hardly saw anything!!It was freezing cold but fantastic. I've wanted to go whale watching for years so this was a longstanding ambition realised and I loved it. I was quite emotional and think D was affected by it too. I think we'd both agree it was the highlight of our holiday and we'd love to do it again sometime.
I've been so busy that, although I've checked in on the blogs, I've haven't been posting every day which is not like me. I can feel the hold of the diet slipping which is ominous. There are a lot of reasons for it: complacency; satisfaction because I feel so slim and healthy; it's summer time and there's a lot going on that I want to take part in; visitors; carnival week in the village; boredom with the foodpacks.
Also, I think that the sheer number of people telling me that I don't need to lose anymore is getting to me subconsciously as well. It's like I'm in 2 minds whether I need to go on. Well, I know I'd be alright at this weight, but I'm still a 27 or so BMI and I haven't reached my original goal so I feel that I owe it to myself to carry on.
I ate a bit over the weekend but was pretty controlled about what and didn't overdo anything and did loads of exercise so don't feel too bad about it. Worse though was last night! When I got home, my guests had left and there were quite a few tasty leftovers in the house. I had been steeling myself all day to go straight in and throw them out but I think I knew at the back of my head that I wouldn't actually do that. When I get home from work is my danger time and, boy, was it dangerous yesterday. I ate far too much before evntually reeling in and chucking out what was left before I could get to it. It was the first time on the diet that I've really let go, consciously too, and eaten stuff I really didn't need!
Weirdly I don't feel too bad about it as it wasn't a major major binge or anything. I also took the step afterwards of clearing things out as D is still away so, if they're in the fridge, who else is going to be eating them?? So, although I wasn't exactly proud of myself, I wasn't too depressed either.
I dragged my full stomach out for a very pedestrian jog later as a penance!! And this morning, at 7am could be found sweating away at personal training... And, I'm going to do the Bamford Fell Race up Win Hill tomorrow evening. So, hopefully, I've atoned for my sins but I don'tt want to commit any more. It's daft, I'm so close, just another few weeks until management, this wavering is just adding more time onto my total and dragging things out.
I don't feel too bad about the slipping as I'm not falling off the wagon longterm or anything - in a way it's positive, I'm desperate to get back to eating to try and put everything I've learned into practise. I want to start cooking lovely healthy food and not drinking too much and exercising - in short I want to start my real life. The only problem is, I'm not quite there yet.
The problem with cheating eating is that you don't prepare yourself a healthy salad if you're going to go off the wagon - you eat what is easily to hand, namely toast or cereals etc. So, not healthy. I wish I'd been good like Antonia and stuck to abstinence, but once the genie is out of the bottle, it's very hard to pop it back in!!
Anyway, that's me summary for the time being. I'm not miserable but a little frustrated with myself. I want this to be over in 6 weeks and, in the scheme of things, that is not long. Surely I can stick it out just a little longer??
4 comments:
Good luck. My danger time is when I get home from work too. When I started this, I saved a bar for the journey home and that took the edge off. I must try to get back into that habit!
I had a major tumble last night as well. Then went to weigh in and put on a pound - but it probably should have been more. I am aiming for a good week to get myself back on track.
Had a good chat with the LLC and she is so supportive.
6 weeks sounds doable but you might even get away with 4 and the onto management a bit early as some people do continue to lose on management. One of the ladies who went on management last week lost 2 lbs at weigh in. I don't mean to put thoughts in your head - just that you might not have to sacrifice your goal if you have a good month now.
Its amazing knowing someone so cose to goal. I feel as far away from it as ever at the moment. I think that's part of my problem - I can see these weeks and months stretching ahead of me of foodpacks...
Sandra
ww.livejournal.com/users/kiwirevo
Well done on throwing out the leftovers in the end. I know in the past I'd probably have eaten the whole lot, or if not, kept them until I'd finished the lot. Although no idea how I'd be feeling when I've been on this diet for another 3 months. So well done.
I'm sure you'll be at goal in less than 6 weeks, you will get there, as you've done so well. You can definitely stick it out.
Good luck with the fell race, looking forward to hearing how you got on.
The photos of whale watching looks fantastic. I did this a couple of years ago off the coast of Cape Cod, although we didn't get half as close as you did. It is an amazing experience and one that I also want to do again.
Anyway, keep up the good work, you will be in management soon, just try and stay positive.
Amanda x
Any of us who say we've had a binge must put it into perspective. When we look carefully at what we've eaten it isn't normally a lot in the whole scheme of things. I just think, that because we've been drastically dieting, (and I can include myself in this from when I was doing LL) we blow the amount 'binged' on to immense proportions when in fact we should keep in mind what HAS been achieved and keep in the mindset that this was just a blip and it's straight back on the right track. If we forget that, then we just might as well forget the diet altogether. We're in this for the long run and it's these little falls from grace, so to speak, that remind us of that. It's well-known that we learn from our mistakes, so use the occasional binge as a 'mistake' and learn from it.
You know how faryou want, or need to go, Lesley. If you feel you want to stop now and restart eating 'real' food now, then do it. But if you want to go on, then don't listen to those who have no inclination of where you've come from or where you want to get to.
And good luck with the race.
Chris x
Lesley - if anyone can do this it's you. We have faith in you!
Peridot x
PS You look amazing and not remotely moose-like!
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