I had a dose of reality last night. I suppose I've been in cloud cuckoo land where D is just wildly happy about my weight loss and everything is wonderful. Well, we had a row (just an every day one - nothing too exciting) and it was just the same as the pre-diet rows! well, sort of the same! At least now I argue my corner and don't just back down in tears and feel inadequate as I used to.
With hindsight I can see the truth in what he was saying - that he needs some attention too, in short! I have been spending a lot of time on the computer or running and have forgotten a few things to do with him which he says is me neglecting him. But - this is my time to prioritise me and although I'll try and be a little more attentive to him (I have definitely been pretty distant) I must keep going with these changes as I'm just so happy with the results and, if he's honest, so is he.
As I've mentioned before he's very black and white so things are never sorted out on the night of a fight - but usually he mulls over what I say and we reach a happy medium after a couple of days. We're not, not talking or anything though.
It just rocked me back a bit as I have been so focussed and positive and now have to sit back and look at things again. Hard and a bit of a pain - wish I could just shake him and say "what more do you want of me??!" But, although it might be satisfying, that wouldn't get us anywhere.
So! Busy day not helped by a very short night's sleep - another charming little habit of D's is that he'll only pick a fight at midnight and then I can't get to sleep 'til the middle of the night!
I went for a good long run tonight in the lovely light evening and it felt so strong and smooth. Very uplifting. I really enjoyed it. After that I went to the pub but didn't stay long as no sparkling water - there really is only so long you can drink tap water and talk with a load of blokes about their stuff - not fascinating! Now about to go to bed and will hopefully wake up full of the joys and with a chirpy husband again.
I'm not sad because I have to accept that, just as my weight wasn't the sole cause of every row before (despite what D used to say), losing weight won't solve every problem now. I've just had a good thought though - I must have changed - I realise that it didn't even occur to me to turn to food and I still went for my run!!
Truly, every cloud does have a silver lining.
Sorry to burden you with glum tales - I'm not actually that down in the dumps but wanted to make sense of it.
Hope you're all having a good week and being good dieters - normal service will be resumed shortly!
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A blog following the progress of my life and weight after completing the Lighter Life diet back in 2007. I lost 9 stone and became slim and fit. Since then, the battle really started and I re-gained a couple or 3 of them back and am now learning how to live without the yo-yo gains and losses of my past.
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About Me
- Lesley
- A blog detailing the journey I took to lose a hell of a lot of weight with the help of Lighter Life and now to keep it off.
7 comments:
Hi Lesley- we have been to the same place today I think. Weight loss can never solve everything, because your personality is still there and so is his! Perhaps he is feeling a bit intimidated- here you are sorting out your life, losing wieght, brimming with confidence- what has he got? Of course he has you to be so proud of, but it sounds almost like new baby syndrom- the 'but what about me?' reaction to your focus now being elsewhere for some of the time. Hope you can talk this through- perhaps he is a little bit scared as well- perhaps he thinks he has to change to keep up with you but doesn't know how? perhaps you need to reassure him he doesn't need to change? Or perhaps he does? This journey we are doing...cans, worms all over the place!
Hope you are okay- thinking of you
Kathy
Lesley this is one of those where I really can see both sides of the coin - yours for wanting to spend time on yourself and your body, be that working on it physically by running etc or mentally by using the pc and linking in with people in the same boat. And I can also see D's point of view as he's now losing an enormous amount of time that you used to spend with him in order for you to do the above.
I can see this and understand this as this is where me and hubby are at the moment. We've not rowed about it (maybe that's a 'yet') but I have picked up on the fact that he's feeling a bit say left out. It's not like we live in each others pockets but more of my time is now spent on me and I'm noticing that he's wanting me with him that bit more - just for a laugh, a chat, a cuddle ... just me really.
I think they love what we're doing for ourselves, they respect us for it, they'll love the results but I think they just don't want that piece of string that joins us to them too lose and for it to be tightened up every now and then.
I'm hoping this makes sense, my fingers and thoughts have gone all rambling .... and yes I'm sure you'll wake up with a chirpy hubby again in the morning.
(((hugs)))
Cath
x
The thing with men is that they ARE like children in that they need lots of attention. If they feel for one minute that they're not getting as much as they need...a row/sulk ensues. Believe me, Dean is exactly the same and even before i went on this diet, we had the 'me not paying him enough attention' rows. Women are expected to spread themselves very thin(!) and sometimes it's just not enough. I hope things are ok with you two today - have a good one!
Karen
Wow! You are all spot on and such wise women. I feel much better realsiing that it is a pretty tricky area and not easy to pick through the minefield without the occasional casualty.
As it happened, and as I predicted, D came home last night and said (which is a major commitment for him) that this evening he will be entirely at my disposal - will go where I want or stay in if I want. He's a real pub boy and goes out every night so this is big news! No idea what I'm going to do with him now...lol! Was looking forward ot a night in front of The Biggest Loser!
Might go to the cinema instead, really take advantage!
Thanks for your support - feels good.
Lesley x
What they look at is someone they have loved, cared for and stuck by for so many years, and although they are so proud or our results ultimately they know we are making this change because we want to not because they want us too, deep down they are scared and insecure that the butterfly will fly away with their new confidence and look.
Constant reassurance all around me thinks - Its a brave new world xxx
Dear Lesley
Glad to see things worked out with you and D. I think our other halves cannot fail to be affected by all these changes that we are making on this huge journey.
My husband has just left his job and is taking a break before starting his new one. He has gone DEMOB happy and wants me to join him in to go out and about (particularly to the pub!) but, of course, I want to do LL for me (and us). He is supportive but it's hard when your wife is being very focused on something else and doesn't fancy staying put in the local! As everyone says, it's a balancing act. Thank you for being so honest and thanks for the tips on exercise.
My email is thelardarms@hotmail.co.uk and my blog - now up and running - is www.thelardarms.typepad.com.
Hope to be part of this really warm LL virtual community.
Hope tonight is lovely!
Take care. Mrs L xxxx
Just a quickie because I think everyone has said most of what I'm thinking however can completely relate to the distance thing. I've only been on the plan for 18 days and I can feel a gap growing between Chris and I and we're planning a wedding!!! I have become so absorbed about the programme that I have definately put myself first, on the flip side, I don't usually and it doesn't sound like you do either and this is a means to an end and not forever and he needs to meet you half way! Anyway thanks as always for an excellent blog!
Love Claire
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