Sunday before Christmas and I'm still not ready...

But who cares?! It's a gorgeous day; I'm going to spend Christmas at home with my parents; and I've seen all my mates on the last day or so so what does it matter what the house looks like!?

I went for a run this morning with Shelley. It was hard work but we both felt much better afterwards. She hasn't been running for weeks and I've had 4 days off so the hills could definitely be felt on the old lungs!

I then set to trying to get the house sorted but I've had a low level headache all day so couldn't really make good progress. The fog finally cleared at about 2.30pm so I made the snap decision to get out and walk up a hill in stead opf slogging away to little effect. We went up Win Hill and it was fantastic - crisp, low, winter sun; cold but not freezing; quiet and refreshing. I feel like a new woman now and will do another hour or so on the house then go out and see some pals.

I'm pretty fat to be honest but not pigging out so it's not getting any worse - January will be the make or break time for me I think. I keep reminding myself how big I was this time last year. I'll dig out some piccies from last Christmas so you can see the difference!!

In the meantime, I hope you like the pictures I took this afternoon - Shelagh was happy with 2 expeditions today...

Saturday morning and I'm too busy to talk to you lot...!

Yup - I have so many chores and the house looks as though a bomb has hit it. I have the Sky Plus man coming, want to go for a run, need to tidy my entire house, shop for Christmas and all that before 12 when I go to the football!! Think I will have to set some priorities!

Diarmuid has just Skyped me from the rig. He's just got his laptop sorted and bought a new webcam which actually works compared to his last one. We had a really good chat and thought how nice it'll be over Christmas to be able to chat and see each other. That was all fine until the dog realised what was up and came to investigate. She's always been a bit suspicous of me talking to the computer and thinks she can hear her Daddy but being able to see him clearly too was just too much. She sat on my lap transfixed staring at the screen and wagging her tail. Then when he talked to her and she recognised her name etc she started howling like a wolf - her nose in the air emitting this low mournful howl. Really sweet but quite sad too. D loved it to start with but we realised we were messing with her mind and we couldn't talk over her howling so, if she doesn't get used to it soon, we'll have to ban her from the bedroom in future. After the call she just sat on my lap howling and wimpering for ages - really poignant.

Anyway - enough of that rubbish. I've not been bothering about my diet for a few days now as have been manically busy at work and then with Christmas events and chores. As a result, it's been fine. I've had whatever I fancied but not much as I've been on the run. Not had any angst or bother and not overeaten....so, I just need to keep my life going at a breakneck speed forever and I'll be fine!!!

Hope you like the piccies which I took when buying our Christmas tree at a NT property near Sheffield called Longshaw estate last weekend. It was soooo cold that day and dark - these were taken at around midday! The hoar frost on the trees looked like shavings of coconut and Shelagh thought they were very tasty. She wasn't too happy about not being to swim - but it probably saved her from a very cold couple of hours while she dried out.

Anyway, I hope you're all having a wonderful festive Christmas and don't worry too much about food - eat what you fancy just don't overdo it! And try and fit in a run or walk too....

Thursday - ship is steadied...

Thanks guys for your lovely comments. I feel a lot more rational this morning and the scales are now showing a more manageable gain of 2lbs. I knew in my head that I hadn't slapped on all that weight in a day but you can't help freaking out a bit. Still it kept me focussed!! We had our team's Christmas buffet at lunchtime and I did partake, but sensibly and then in the evening I went out for a long steady run and resisted all temptation just having a nice bowl of soup and a slice of wholemeal for supper. In other words I did what "normal" people do - when you've had one high caloriemeal, you cut back afterwards and do some exercise to offset it.

So - it's our department's proper Christmas party this evening. The food won't be anything special so I have no intention of going mad there but it's whether I stay and drink too much or am sensible and drive and head home early. I think the latter as I don't know that many people at the big party anyway. I think I'll keep my powder dry...

I really am just hanging on with this weight thing at the moment, for every 4 or 5 good days where I might claw back a lb or so, there is one bad where I can easily slap 2 or 3 back on! It seems so unfair but I can't think like that - it is my reality.

I'm actually looking forward to January when it will be easier to be strict with myself.

If I sound a bit glum - it's not all weight related - D went out to the rig yesterday and is away for the whole of Christmas and New Year, back on the 4th January! What bad timing is that? We're used to it but we've been having such a good time together recently that it makes it harder for him to go away. I'm not really glum just not as perky as I usually am this time of year. I do have lots of nice things organised though so it won't be all bad.

BTW, the pictures are on Robin Hoods Bay again. Our chilly walk on Saturday morning with Eric and Sophia. It was great though, we got into fossil hunting and I found quite a few of them - no idea what they're called but they're pretty!

Wednesday - danger signs...

It's Wednesday morning and I've just stepped on the scales to see (apparently) an 8lb increase since yesterday!!! I suppose, yesterday could have been on the light side and today could be on the heavy side and I'm certainly retaining water which could account for a couple of lbs but 8!!!

I suspect the carb overload from Sunday evening and Monday evening is kicking in - aaaargh! No wonder my jeans were really tight last night.

So - it's back to being really strict and I WILL fit a run in at lunchtime even though it's not really convenient.

Grrr, just when I think I've got it pegged, a kick in the teeth. But, if I'm honest I knew the carbs were pigged out on on Sunday evening in particular - where did I think they were going? I just got away with it on Monday night!!! Bad Lesley.

PS. the photos are from one of my runs while staying at my parents - how flat is that?! It was a lovely frosty sunny morning - extremely cold but well worth getting out for!

Monday - Sucess at last (sort of...)

Well, we had a fantastic few days off - really Christmassy and relaxed. It's a shame D has to be away working over Christmas and New Year but at least I know he's had a good send off.

We went to my parents for a couple of days near Lincoln. It was really cold and crisp and we just did nice things like running across flat empty fields and paths (well - that was me and Shelagh not me and D!); Christmas shopping, cooking an early Christmas dinner for D, going to the pub and just generally relaxing. Really gorgeous and I thanked my lucky stars once again at how well D gets on with both my parents. I love his family and he loves mine and that makes everything so much easier!!!

On the Friday we headed up to the North Yorkshire coast at Robin Hoods Bay for a night. Our friends, Eric and Sophia had rented a cottage for a long weekend and invited us to stay for a night as we have done for them a couple of times. I was being a bit negative on the drive up there - thinking it was too much of an effort just for one night. But once we arrived and saw the lovely roaring coal fire and the 2 bottles of red waiting for us on the mantelpiece, I realised what great idea it was. We unpacked quickly and headed straight out to the beach for a quick walk before it got dark and took a few photos as you can see above.

Shelagh loves it there - she can run around the streets off the lead as there is no traffic and can poke around all the little cobbledy streets and gennels and she adores the beach of course. The whole weekend was freezing cold - icy and below zero degreees most of the time but that was good too - a great excuse to wrap up warm and cuddle!!

It was a lovely relaxed evening - athough I drank more than I do usually, I interspersed the wine and mulled wine with plenty of water and didn't feel bad in the morning. We had a goregous meal (with no holds barred) and played a mean session of scrabble in front of the fire to finish off. Aaaah....just right.

So - foodwise, I was very good at the start of the week and got progressively more "relaxed", shall we say, as the week went on. Sunday was definitely my worst day. On the positive side, I didn't have any bingy type days and I went running 5 times during the week anbd walking on the offdays. I went to my weigh in this evening and I have stayed exactly the same (to the ounce!!). So, all in all, I take that as a sucess. I'm aiming just to hold on until after Christmas and limit the seasonal damage before having a good push to lose a few lbs in January.

I'll talk about all the parties and weekend stuff when I next post, hopefully tomorrow.

Hope you're all doing well and not pigging out....keep exercising and January will be much easier!

Wednesday - Holiday!!!

This is going to be a very quick post before we set off for a few days away. As D is away for Christmas and New Year, we're taking a few days off now and going to visit my parents near Lincoln and then for anight with friends up in Robin Hoods Bay near Whitby.

That's why I set my goals to stick to the 2 packs a day regime despite being on holiday!!

It's really cold here, -2 even in the middle of the day. I went for a run this morning and it was FREEZING!! Hope you like the piccies - I think they get across how bloody arctic it was. I could feel my lungs with every breath and my fingers were icy despite wearing gloves.

Anyway, must dash now - the husband is chaffing - you know what they're like!

Have a good weekend if I can't check in.

Tuesday evening - How'd I do??

Very well so far! I've stuck to all my goals and been exemplary today. I have been an 'adult' all day and reasoned myself out of several temptations - "Ooooh, chocolates on the tree at work, I'll just have one!" "Do you really want one Lesley?" "erm, yeah, but no but, yeah but, no but..." "No - you're right, I don't REALLY want one....grumble grumble..." And so it goes on.

But, today I have the zealous gleam of the born again dieter. I am pure, my body is a temple and none shall pass etc etc. We've all been there. I just have to keep doing this for....well, ever actually!! Hey ho...

The pictures above are our bedroom. After nearly 4 years (!) of living in a pit while decorating the other more public areas of our house, we finally decided that WE were worth having a nice room too and we set to a few weeks ago. It was a pretty nasty job as we had to take out horrid melamine built in wardrobes and strip nasty woodchip and vinyl wallpaper etc but, once the plasterer finished his magic and D did his stuff with paint brush and screwdriver (well I hleped a fair bit last weekend), I stepped in for the glamourous stuff and I'm pretty damned proud of the results! Still have to put up more pictures and a some shelves for books and the final final finishing touches but it looks and feels lovely. I treated us to new duvet, cushions, sheets and pillows so everything is fresh and shiny!

Is it an analogy for what I did to my body?? Neglected it for years then carried out a major overhaul. Now just have to keep it tidy and clean (aka fit and slim) until we can sell next year and move to France!!! Try telling that to the dog - she's just acquainting herself with the new duvet cover as I speak - sigh!!

Oh well, one day down in the pre-Christmas challenge. I feel thinner already. Keep it up everyone - don't make the January blues worse than they're going to be anyway by pigging out now!!

Tuesday mornng - another fresh start

I'm sure I've typed this before but I feel as though I've been in a fog diet wise. As though I've been eating on auto-pilot and not exercising any choices as an adult. Just eating what I wanted at the time and then feeling guilty and fat. Well, the first stop in reversing that worrying trend was last night when I went back to class after a break of 4 weeks to discover that I've gained 5lbs!! That's an overall gain since I started eating again of 1 1/2 stone!

So, I'm going back on 2 packs a day and one sensible meal until Christmas and then, in January, I'm considering going back into abstinence for a few weeks to lose what I gained and then starting RTM from scratch. I feel as though I have never done it properly and that is what is causing me the eating problems. I'll see how I do up to Christmas though. If I can lose weight in these 2 weeks, I may just carry on with this regime.

So - goals:

1. I will eat packs for breakfast and lunch and not snack on anything other than a modest amount of fruit and maybe a Muller Lite yoghurt in between meals.
2. For supper I will prepare healthy, salady and vegetable based meals. Very little fat, no bread, no potatoes. Basically week 2-4 of RTM.
3. I will not come off this regime just because it's the weekend or I'm visiting my parents or we're in Robin Hoods Bay with friends. If I had been good over the last few weeks, I probably would have been able to relax a bit now but, the fact is, I have not earned that relaxation so suck it up Lesley - this is your new reality.
4. I will continue with the exercising.
5. I will recognise that I have done really well over this last year, lost loads of weight, transformed myself and my body and that not everything is bad news. In fact, I have done so well that I want to hold onto this fantastic thing that has happened and not eat myself back into oblivion.
6. I will be an ADULT. I will use my power of free will to make choices about what I do: whether I eat something or don't; what I choose to eat; whether I choose to do something else or choose to exercise. I have the power and using it wisely will make me happy.
7. Finally, I will go to class and stay for the chat part at the end. I will blog more and report back how I'm getting on.

Now I had better get off to work. I feel much more positive now. I had been worried as I knew it was slipping from my grasp but as Mrs said "knowledge is power"!! Thanks all.

Friday 7th December

Hi again. This can only be a quick post before I dash off to catch a train to Birmingham. One of my colleagues (definitely nice but dim) has arranged a complex and likely to be lengthy negotiating/drafting meeting starting at 2pm in Birmingham. There'll be no sloping off early for the weekend this week!! In fact I'll be lucky to get home before 9pm...grrr. Still, I'm "working from home" this morning as there was no way I was driving all the way to Rotherham first then having to drive back this evening...no chance!

That means I've been able to see the bedroom now that the carpet has been fitted. They were efficient. Arrived at 9.15 and were done by 10! It looks good. D is just finishing off the touching up, electrical stuff (changing switches and sockets etc) and we should be able to sleep there tonight. The new furniture is being delivered on Monday so the house will be back in order before Christmas. Thank God for that!

Re exercising, I've been good this week. Training on Tuesday morning, lunchhour runs on Wednesday and Thursday and training again this morning. It makes me laugh when I get comments saying how lovely the countryside is for running etc. Well, it is, but that is only the countryside near me! When I go running at lunchtime at work, I'm in the industrial heartland of Rotherham. I generally run along the canal towpath and it is industry and construction the whole way. Litter, mud, grim looking anglers, derelict wasteground, etc etc. I will take some pictures if I can remember to bring my camera next time! For contrast.

I love working in Rotherham though as, for a development and regeneration solicitor, there is so much to do!! Every project is a massive battle to make the town a little bit better. Now we've got Dolly Parton on our side, maybe things will be a bit better!! Don't know if you saw the news about her coming to Rotherham? I was working on that project a bit (although not my field - it's a literacy charity of hers to send books to children up to the age of 5 to encourage reading which she is rolling out into Europe, starting in Roth). Typically though, I didn't get an invite to the launch event she attended at Magna - they go to the bigwigs who have not had anything to do with the project....sigh!

Anyway, I still feel fat but it's not getting worse and I'm still battling and have not let go. The rainbow is a symbol of that. I'm not going to do anything drastic until after Christmas but in the meantime, it's damage limitation!

Bye all.

Tuesday - weekend runs!

Well, I've been better at reining in the eating since my last post and my waistbands are marginally looser so that's a bonus. My personal trainer's eating plans are pretty good but I don't seem to be able to follow them at the weekend! He advocates eating little and often, low GI, a bit of fat with every meal to slow the digestion etc. All healthy stuff and I think the extra meals (mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks) will make it easier to avoid over-eating in the evenings which is a big problem of mine. He explained that, if you eat too little during the day, you end up with a calorie deficit in the evening and then feel tired and hungry and overeat at the worst time of the day as a result.

So that's my plan.

I've also put new batteries in my scales so, starting tomorrow morning, I'm weighing myself again - every morning! As Mrs says - knowledge is power.....I'm literally quaking!

On the exercise front, I've been pretty good too despite absolutely atrocious weather. Managed a good long run along the canal towpath during my lunch hour last Thursday, personal training (which is hellish hard) on Friday, a good long run on Saturday monring (pictured above) and a run in the cold and rain on Sunday afternoon. Monday was a break day and I went to personal training again at 7am this morning. So, not slacking.

I also went to a running shop on Friday and kitted myself out with new trainers, long sleeve tops and long leggings , gloves, reflective tabard, head torch etc etc so no excuse of dark or poor weather can serve to put me off now....

The run on Saturday morning was lovely - it's the really steep hill which has floored me in the past. At my thinnest and fittest at the end of the summer I could run all the way up without stopping. It was freezing and very windy on Saturday (into a biting headwind up the hill too) and I had to walk for 2 short sections but I'm pleased with that overall. The cold and wind does take it out of you. I haven't run many hills since it got dark in the evenings so it was a shock to the system but I still kept going and really enjoyed it. Even the dog had fun as you can see. I was even toying with the idea of doing a longer route but when I got to the stepping stones realised that was not an option!

Anyway, overall I'm still clinging on and enjoying life. D has been paying me some pretty good compliments - he said I was the hottest woman in the pub last Saturday night....! So, all in all, life is good. We've nearly finished decorating our bedroom and we might be able to do the kitchen before Christmas too so the house is moving fast....this France plan is really motivating us.

After our last weekend working on the bedroom together I said that I really didn't want to go back to work this week and D agreed and said how he'd been thinking the same thing. The only way we can get what we want, which is time together in the countryside etc etc is to get this house finished and sold and to move to France asap. Can't wait.

Hope you're all well and exercising like mad things in preparation for the Christmas festivities. Keep it up. There's no point starting this January like every other one with extra lbs and a mountain to climb!!! I've taken that thought from Glam Girl - and it's been in my head for the last few days so thank you for that!!!

Yay - I'm posting again!!

Well, the weather hasn't been great for walks so haven't taken many piccies recently but there was a couple of beautiful frosty autumnal mornings a few weeks ago and I actually remembered to take my camera with me to work and stop on the way as I've been meaning to do for ages. So - these are a few pictures taken on my journey to drop the dog off at the farmplace she stays at while I'm at work and then driving over the moors to Rotherham. Not bad eh?? In fairness, it's not usually that gorgeous but still beats the tube from memory!!

So, how am I getting on in the eternal battle to not go back to being a fatty?? It's been hard but I'm not stressing about it as I did a while back. Thankfully, I haven't had a repeat of the depressed, lonely weekend I suffered through a couple of months ago, when I felt fat and dreadful and ate my way through it. I still have my moments of feeling fat but can now put it in perspective and (usually) avoidthe failure-eating trick.

I HAVE gained weight though. Just over a stone at last count. I'm still in size 12's but some are too tight to wear and others are snugger than they were at my slimmest. I'm writing down what I eat this week and my personal trainer is going to go through it with me and come up with an eating plan for me to follow (probably all seeds and stuf - sigh...). At the moment, I'm just tyring to avoid eating for the sake of it and "bad" food. Generally it's reasonably sucessful. I do have to get back to LL RTM class though as it has been 3 weeks now!! I'm sure that would help but I avoided it as I wasn't sure how I would face another gain! Trouble is, I didn't go when I was pretty sure I would have had a loss so didn't get that affirmation and am now scared of seeing a gain....daft eh?

All I know is that my clothes are tighter but still fit alright and I haven't given up trying or exercising so all is not lost. In fact, all is pretty damngood. I have bought nice clothes inclduing knee length high heel boots which I LOVE and I'm just enjoying life. Trying to be vigilant but enjoying life. I'm not going to make things worse by panicking about a few lbs!!

I hear D at the door so am going to go downstairs and be sociable now but will drop in again soon, honest!! Keep well everybody we CAN do it!!!

Saturday - Finally.....

I've had another break from blogging. I've been trying to get to the computer but seem to be really busy and finding it harder to get to the keyboard. A few times I've had a choice between going for a walk or run or to the pub or staying in and blogging and, now that I can have a drink, I've been choosing the pub and then, because I chose the pub, I have to go for the run - hence less time to blog!! Well, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Also, our house is turned upside down and, until this morning when I did a thorough clean, has been covered in plaster dust. It isn't conducive to going upstairs I can tell you - much better to hide out downstairs and pretend it's all lovely upstairs!!

Anyway, I'm about to go out but thought I'd just post a quick entry to pledge to do better soon!!

I have been checking in to your blogs too!! Hello everyone and keep itup!

Also, Thick Chick - I've been giving some thought to your tag - I'll be doing a proper post on that soon but thanks chuck - nice to be tagged at last!!!

Monday is walk day

I sneakily took an afternoon off because it was so gorgeous. The sun was shining and although freezing it was a beautiful blue sky day. I headed up to Whaley Bridge and Combs Reservoir for a good long hike. Again, I have not been up there so was following my trusty book and it didn't let me down. 7 miles of brisk up and down through muddy fields, along ridges and through beech woods and finally finishing off alongside the reservoir. I struggled a bit to do it all before it got dark though so Shelagh didn't have time for a swim. I think she was pretty knackered by the time we got there so she wasn't too miffed. I was just pleased to get back to the car before it got dark!!

I've eaten exactly what I fancied today but haven't gone mad and, what with all the exercise, don't suppose it'll pile the lbs on.

I couldn't believe how lovely it was up on the ridge - lots of little cottages with chickens, geese ducks and all the usual farmyard stuff. Shelagh was happy chasing rabbits and rolling in revolting smelling stuff. There was still frost on the ground in the shaded spots but I spotted some ripened blackberries even now - in November!!

Sunday evening

Well the footie delivered big time yesterday. Sheffield Wednesday (who are pretty damn rubbish most of the time) had a rush of blood to the head and thrashed Southampton 5-0!!! It's the best score line I've seen them manage in all the 12 years Ive been watching them. I've seen a couple of 5-1's and a 5-2 but this was something else. Great stuff. When the 4th went in we were singing "Go Home! You might as well go home, You might as well go home. You might as well go home!!". That changed rapidly to "Can we play you every week? Can we play you every week??" after the 5th went in 2 minutes later.

Bliss.

Anyway, that set up a good Saturday evening. I drove up to Leeds to a friend's house. Angela had invited a gang of girls up for a meal and then we all got dressed up and headed out to a few trendy bars. I've seen Angela and Nadine recently but not the other 3 so their reactions were fun. It was nice not to be the fat friend any more. Not to feel the need to drink more and dance more and be "life and soul" to make up for your wobbley bits. It was nice to get checked out by the "fellas" and be asked to dance and get those little eye meets you get in bars etc. And because I've had a lifetime of being the fat friend it was nice to feel happy chatting to people like I always have done but this time not feel like they're just chatting to me because they want to get to know my skinny mates.

It was also nice to think - thank GOD I don't have to do this dating crap!! I wouldn't like that at all. D is definitely good for something!!

Anyway, my ability to drink doesn't seem to have diminshed with my weight loss so, in the morning, while everyone else was dying of a hangover, I felt fine and get up early and headed home. I wanted to pick the dog up and go for a nice long walk. I had thought maybe a run but I fancied a walk and think the dog deserved it.

I picked a walk at random from my little book, somewhere I haven't been before and headed up to Baslow. It was a nice, mild but grey and cloudy day. The walk was a good mix of fields, lanes and woods, about 6 miles but not especially hilly - sort of one long gradual climb, a long ridge and then a gentle downhill. A perfect Sunday tramp, especially rustling through the dry leaves in the wooded section - that was great. I felt so refreshed and energised afterwards. The photos aren't great because it was a pretty gloomy afternoon but it was truly beautiful.

Back to work tomorrow. Hope you all had a good weekend and are set up for a better week.