End of 2010 Report

I think it's safe to say that Minty is a bit of a bully. She found a horse about the same size as her and could not resist making her feelings known - horses should not be that small!! Raaaaf, roof roof roof.....

It's been an interesting year, that much I can say for sure.

Seeing as this started out as a weight loss blog, I suppose I should start with the end of year report on that front. It's pretty good. I have managed to squeak in under 14 stone which is a few lbs less than last New Year and 12 or 13 lbs less than my heaviest weight this year. So, no spectacular loss but no gain either. That is good news.

I was a little worried about piling the lbs on at the last minute as I've had a nasty cough and cold so haven't been able to do any exercise and there has been a lot of eating and drinking opportunities. But I haven't gone crazy and have done what I can with walks and seem to have stayed stable for the last week or so.

On the personal side, as you'll know, I've left my marriage and started a new relationship. It's still surprising to me when I see that written so starkly. I was with D for a long long time and didn't really know how unhappy I had become throughout most of that time. So making the break, while it seemed obvious at the time, was a massive step. I don't regret leaving but I am sorry about how acrimonious it has been. I know I can't expect sweetness and light but, as one who has made a life and career out of shades of grey, I struggle with the black and white, all or nothing, love/hate approach D and his family have taken.

Maybe it'll change one day but I won't be counting on that.

On the upside, Rich and I are really happy together and seem to be well suited. (That sounds a tad Austen-esque....) I have spent a lot of time with his family over the holiday period which has been fun and we're slowly meeting each other's friends too. Oh, and most importantly, my doggie girls absolutely adore him.....sometimes I think they'd rather have him than me.....

My family are coming to realise that I'm happy although my dad is still not sure how to deal with all the upheaval. He's coming round though. My brother knew all along that there was something amiss so he is pleased for me and pushing like mad for us to visit them in Canada but it could be a while before we can get that organised. My sister is plotting a trip up north soon so hopefully we'll get Rich enveloped into the bosom of my family soon too (lucky chap eh??).

On the work front, I have managed to save my job and, in the process, came to realise how much I enjoy and value it. When the money I earned was only a small part of our income, I didn't value the job as much. D tended to put me down and make out that it was a nothing-y type of job and after a while I came to accept his estimation. But, when it was under threat and when I could see how much my colleagues valued their jobs and how much I needed it, I came to realise that it's NOT a nothing-y type job, it's important and varied and interesting. The pressure has given me a new lease of life professionally speaking so I'm looking forward to the challenges of next year.

What else am I looking forward to? A holiday or 2 with Richard; lots of golf; new management at Hillsborough so hopefully lots of good football (once they find a plumber to mend all the burst pipes in the ground and actually manage to play some game there!!); lots of exercise so I don't turn into a slug (which reminds me - I must get the Wiifit set up!!); getting the divorce sorted out (blegh!); and just lots of enjoying life and making sure that the things we promised we'd do get done and that we don't settle too quickly into humdrum, everyday life and keep the romance going. That's a lot to wish for I know but if you don't aim for the stars you'll never leave the ground.

I hope you all make lots of wishes too and that they nearly all come true.... Thanks for your support this year, it's been a wild ride for me but this place has been my refuge and my recharger. Big Kiss xxxxx

Christmas catch-up

Walking alone the edge there are several small springs which usually create a muddy mess to be negotiated. Not today - about 7 inches of solid blue/white ice...

Not pretty but useful. When out riding you can always follow the pylons home if you get lost...

Lovely frost rimmed holly leaves..

and ivy too...

the dogs love the frost and snow, it makes Minty especially bouncy!

Well I had a very traditional Christmas at my parents. Went over on Christmas Eve, leaving Richard behind.....and about to head into Sheffield for drinks with the lads so not particularly sad to see me leave.... We were joined by some family friends of many years long-standing so it was a pleasant evening.

My dad was fretting though as he had agreed to play the electric organ in the local pub for some carol singing. It had been sketchily arranged so he had no idea how many would turn up or how sucessful the evening would be. Also he hates playing the electric organ as he's a pianist so wittered about that too. I was instructed to sing loudly and keep him informed how it was going. It was a good job I was there as the landlord was very disorganised and pretty drunk. So I had to take over and help my pa out. But he did really well, played away and got loads of people singing away. Of all ages too, from lads and lasses in their 20's through gussied up rich Lincolnshire farmer types with their glamourous blonde wives to the regulars, It was really nice and we all sang heartily.

If there is a next year, we'll try and do more secular Christmas songs as well as the traditional carols. Whenever Dad was waiting to find out what carol was next he played snippets of whatever he could remember and the old favourites like White Christmas, Rudolph and Jingle Bells went down really well.

Christmas Day was beautiful. Bright blue sky with a heavy white frost. I took the dogs out for a walk with my camera (as you can see above) and really enjoyed that early morning peace.

Jose and I went to church which was nice. Very few children which was a shame for a family service but it was really warm and loving. It was the first time I've been in that church (where I got married) since I left D and I had wondered if it would be uncomfortable but I realised that the wedding service is still one of my fondest memories and, not only that, I have many other cherished memories of that church - being christened (embarassingly aged 10); attending with my mother, Godmother Aileen (who I loved and who sadly died when I was 16) and her daughter Elaine and trying to stop her making us crack up with her loud whispers; going to Midnight Mass with my sister and her daughters and singing the alto part with her while the girls showboated the descants. Lots of other memories there too so no reason to feel awkward about one big one.

Then cooking with the help of our guests, Jose and Helen (mother and daughter). It was surprising how well we 3 got on in the cooking stakes. A dutch woman in her 60s, her daughter and me, none of whom knew the kitchen well or how we like to prepare Christmas lunch. But it went very smoothly and was almost relaxing. Surprising considering I had knocked back 2 pints of Snecklifter bitter in the pub with my Dad and the male half of the family friends....!!

I left on Boxing Day to get back to the Valley and Richard. We went up to the pub in the village and braved the crowds for a band which always plays there on Boxing Day. I hardly ever see them as I'm usually either in Ireland or at the football but, as the Tranmere game had been cancelled for the weather, it was good to be able to get up and have a few. Like with the church, I wondered if it might be awkward going back to the pub but with Rich but almost everyone was friendly and welcoming again and even the ones who I thought might blank me were more forthcoming than I'd expected. The spirit of Christmas perhaps....

But the best bit was getting back home and spending the evening cuddling on the sofa watching rubbish telly and then staying up as late as we could manage (nearly 4am) to watch England stuff the Aussies in the Ashes!!!

I was reflecting to myself last night as we drove back from late night Christmas shopping at Meadowhall (the giant out of town shopping centre in Sheffield which ALL locals refer to ALL the time as MeadowHELL). On what you ask? Well, I was just thinking how very different my life is now to how it was this time last year. I suppose everyone pauses a little to reflect at this time of year - the shortest day, Christmas and the changing of the year all seem to demand some marking. Most years though my "marking" musings are about relatively small differences - weight changes usually feature highly; births and, sadly, deaths; a different house or job; a TV show or 2 (tee hee).


This year I have turned my life upside down and yet it feels "right" now. It feels as though I'm now doing what I wanted to be doing before but couldn't quite achieve.


Take Christmas shopping for example. For the last however many years, this has been a task which I have carried out mostly by myself. A combination of D working away and D not being interested meant that it increasingly came to be "my job" to buy not only for all of my family but also for his and to wrap and post or deliver them. Nothing unusual there I suspect. Although, thinking about it, last year we did make a very pleasant trip to the Christmas market in Manchester.


This year though Rich and I have been shopping together twice. Once to Sheffield on Sunday afternoon and then again last night to Meadowhell. I'm not saying that Rich exactly skipped into town with massive grin on his face at the prospect or anything but we shared the task and enjoyed picking out presents for each other's families together. None of this "you do this shop, I do that one and we'll meet here in an hour" stuff .... we walked round together, chatted about options, rang up various family members to check things and seek inspiration and made our selections, together.


And it was just right. I know I sound soppy and sentimental but this sort of thing is what I now know I wanted all along; a nice bloke to hold my hand and carry some of the bags when we go shopping. So, my presents may not be as lavish as they were last year but they are most happily purchased.

Christmas is a'comin'

Yes, startling news eh? Surely someone should have warned me??

I have done some but not all the usual Christmassy tasks this year. It has been refreshing seeing what subtle changes are wrought by a dramatic change in one's circumstances. Family traditions are different for a start. Social gatherings too. The house to be decorated is smaller, the views altered and the person I'm sharing it all with different too. I'm rejoicing in the changes for the most part but struggling with some aspects of this season.

Work is a nightmare at the moment. There is just so much to do and so little help in doing it. The people around me are pretty grumpy and demoralised after months of jobcuts and restructurings. Frankly, I cannot wait for Thursday to come so I can get out of here and enjoy the break. Hopefully we will be a cheerier although much smaller band in January.

The weather is beautiful and festive and encourages much in the way of crisp walks with dogs and snuggling in front of fires and old films but it also makes life that little bit harder. Walking down the hill in the ice is perilous. Praying that the car will start in minus 15 degrees. Scraping ice endlessly. Wondering whether I will be able to get to my parents for Christmas Eve. And exercise has all but stopped....try as I might, I could not make myself go swimming yesterday in minus 9 degrees.... I tried, I really tried but my hair would freeze and I only had time for a brief swim anyway as I had a meeting in the afternoon. Also, Rich's car was in the garage so I had to leave early to get to it and get home....sigh.. Sometimes life is very complicated.

But enough of this moaning. This post was not meant to be grumpy and "complicated" this post was meant to be about the nice things associated with Christmas.

Lots of contact with one's nearest and dearest. I have been speaking to my family much more than I usually do - not that I avoid them or anything but everyone is busy and days and weeks can pass.... So it has been nice having long chatty calls. Not only that but we spent an evening with Rich's brother and his wife and his other brother and his girlfriend on Friday so spending time with Rich's family too. We went to the Panto in Sheffield last night with some friends of Rich. It was a real laugh, heart-warming, full of happy kids laughing at the same jokes that I used to laugh at and sheffield was very pretty all decorated for the season (Christmas, Hannukah and Eid...). It really cheered us up after 2 nasty days at work. We would both probably rather have gone dancing but friends are friends and I'm glad we went in the end....

Then there's the beauty of it all. The crisp snow and hard frost. Your breath hanging in the air and the sound of snow crunching underfoot. Christmas lights as you drive through villages. Poinsettia plants (I love them although they always die on me...). A pretty Christmas tree and lots of candles in our front room. (Although Rich was not impressed by my colour scheme of "traditional" green, red and white....as a died in the wool Sheffield Wednesday household, we should, apparently, have a blue and white tree - but I don't like them so nerr....) Singing carols and Christmas shopping.

The food. I have made mince pies and a Christmas cake and we've munched through a bought Stollen. The cake has not yet been cut, having only been iced over the weekend but it looks great. The second batch of mince pies was a disaster as I cheated and used bought pastry and failed to check the pastry so made them with puff pastry!! Very tasty but very messy!!


The telly - I loved the Strictly final this year and was so chuffed that the best dancer won (IMO anyway). I always love Sports Personality of the Year (although missed half of it for the quiz last night - well done AP McCoy!! I've enjoyed acquainting myself with some traditional Christmas films that I've somehow never seen before - It's A Wonderful Life, The Wizard of Oz etc There's usually loads of good football on over the Christmas period although the snow may put a kibosh on that this year.

The live footie - we have trips to Tranmere on Boxing Day, at home against Yeovil on 28th December and away to Huddersfield on 3 January!! Loads of Sheffield Wednesday to feast on....hopefully they have got their defeats out of the way with a woeful 5-1 against Exeter on Saturday and we can get back to the winning ways we started on Milan's first game in charge (6-2 against Bristol Rovers in case the score escaped you....!!)

Time off from work....'nuff said.

There, I've cheered myself up. Hope you find plenty of things to cheer you up too.

What do you want for Christmas?

Last year I don't know what I wanted for Christmas. Probably some toy. In the end I got a selection of "stuff" from my family and D's and D bought me a very expensive state of the art long lens for my digital SLR camera. It was a thoughtful present based on our holiday to Botswana where I'd taken some great shots but who knows what I could have taken with an even bigger lens.

This year will be different. Rich and I will not be spending Christmas together which is a source of sadness to both of us and we have agreed to put the money we would have spent on presents towards a holiday next year. It's very sensible but I must admit, now that Christmas approaches, to being a bit disappointed. I like the buying of gifts as well as the receiving and have thought of so many things I would have liked to have bought for him.

Still, maybe I can negotiate a small gift each...

But, what I was really getting at in the title was what do I REALLY want for Christmas? If I could wave a magic wand and make things right, what would I ask for?

• I'd like to see D losing his bitterness and hatred and learning to be happy in himself. I truly hope he is happy already but now, whenever I see him, he is so engaged in making me unhappy that I can only assume that he is still bitter. So, I'd like to know that he is happy again.
• I'd like my father to see how happy I am now and trust in that. He naturally worries about me and, while he's beginning to see it, think he needs a bit more time to accept it. I suppose the word "divorce" is troubling for a man of his generation in itself and carries inevitable connotations of upset and unhappiness which are not necessarily the case.
• I'd like the happiness I've found with Richard to continue and deepen.
• Oh, and World Peace....

What do you lot REALLY want for Christmas??

Ups and downs...

Well, Day 1 of the big push is not looking like being a stellar sucess on the exercise front! Had to cancel training because I had too much to do before a meeting this morning which was shaping up to be a nightmare. Of course the meeting was delayed so I would have had time after all and turned out not to be a nightmare so I did not need to be over-prepared. Could have gone to training....

Can't go swimming at lunchtime as kit in the wrong place due to deep stress caused by 2 hour journey home last night and nearly being late for dancing.

Can't go to the gym this evening as have a haircut booked in and will not be able to get another appointment now before Christmas. And I look like a spaniel with big curly "ears" of hair which really need to be removed before Christmas. There's only so much hair you can sucessfully tuck behind your (real) ears....

So, lets look on the bright side shall we:

I weighed myself this morning and have not gained tooooo much. Am starting the big pre-Christmas push at 13.12.6 (yikes...) I had a sensible breakfast and have not had any of the cakes currently causing the snack table to groan only a few feet from my desk.

We made it to dancing last night despite my horrible journey home. I had thought I wouldn't enjoy it because of the stress of the journey but there was a sandwich waiting for me and Rich drove us back into Sheffield and by the time we got there I had de-stressed. We didn't have any new steps to learn (which might have taxed my pea-brain last night) just practised our new waltz step and did a bit more on the tango and quickstep. It's a shame, we used to love the quickstep but the new "lock step" sequence in the middle has made it a bit tricky and now it's back to being a struggle. Hopefully it'll click next week.

I now have time at lunchtime to do some essential chores and write some Christmas cards.

I can set up the Wii and WiiFit this evening or, more accurately, I can watch while Rich sets up the Wii (well, you don't keep a dog and bark do you?) and hopefully have a play later.

Yep, that just about sums up the positives and that's not too bad for a busy pre-Christmas week. Still got lots of presents to buy but should be able to get them polished off this weekend (snow willing). Hope you're all under control peeps.

Back to Swimming Ways...

Lest the complacency I was complaining about in my earlier post set in for another week, I determined to take action immediately. We went for a walk yesterday (Sunday) afternoon and I contrived to make sure that it was a long and hilly one. It was not a pretty day, being gloomy and muddy but the walk was very refreshing and the exercise welcome.


Then today, after the unexpected unpleasantness of a nasty comment to my last post, I decided that being derailed would only be what the nasty poster might want so I went swimming at lunchtime. It took some willpower to make myself go as it is chilly and drizzling here in Rotherham but, once I got there, I was rewarded with a great lunchtime swim. It's not often I can say that, especially not on a Monday. On Mondays the fast lane is cut down from a third of the width of the pool to a mere 6th to allow a learners class to take place.....Yes, I know I know, it is churlish of me to resent them but "why my lane?" I whine.... This means that it's much harder to overtake the slowcoaches who should not be in the fast lane in the first place and who will not let you pass at the end of each lap.....grrrrr....blood boiling now....


But today, all was sunshine and roses. There was only one other chap in the fast lane and he conveniently left after a few minutes leaving me to plow up and down for 1.25km of uninterrupted front crawl in splendid isolation. Heaven!


Foodwise, I did have a small slice of cake before swimming (I was hungry but didn't want to eat my lunch before swimming) but have been much more restrained and managed to stick to my sushi and yoghurt combo without any other extras.


I've also printed off my calendar for the month of December to take home and will be recording my weight each morning as I did sucessfully at the beginning of the year. I found it useful to be confronted with the inarguable truth each morning and not allow my chimp (remember her?) to rationalise away any small gains. If I had lost or STS (see, I'm getting it Peri!), I could record the weight in green pen. If I gained it had to go down in red. That way, I could see at a glance any disturbing trend upwards. I'm only intending to stick to this for a few weeks or a couple of months just to get me back to the bottom of my swing or a few lbs down even. My main aim is NOT to start 2011 with a gain, to be a stone lighter this year than last.


I can think about whether I want to make the effort to push on downwards later, this is damage limitation!!


I've also been reading some old posts and old material from my TV show days. Reading what Steve Peters tried to teach us about our chimp and what I found helpful back then. It was surprising how much had receded from my mind and how useful and inspiring it was to read it back. So, I'm going back to basics for a few weeks to see if I can get it to stick in my brain for a while longer.


PS. I bought the Wii and WiiFit in the end. Looking forward to getting it set up and having a play. Not sure what the dogs will make of us prancing round the living room, I foresee lots of barking and whining...!!