Going nowhere but feeling fine

You may have spotted that I haven't mentioned dieting much over the last couple of weeks. It's just not happening. I'm not piling on the lbs or anything or going mad, just not dieting per se. I don't seem to have the time, effort, motivation in me to keep it going beyond a week here and there. It'll come though so, in the meantime, I'm not beating myself up and am concentrating on making sure that I don't go mad. I'm sure exercise is the key but at the moment my efforts are sporadic and haphazard. I FEEL as though I'm doing loads but, in reality, I'm not. In summary, there is too much golfing and dog walking and not enough training, running or zumba'ing.

I was adamant that I would go for a run on Saturday morning but, when it came to it, I knew that the morning would be better spent working on the front garden of my old house in an effort to make it more presentable for prospective purchasers. Now that the baby bird season has passed I got out the hedge trimmers and spent an exhausting couple of hours trimming the wild hedges, raking up cuttings, mowing lawns, raking up grass (the rain does not help in the endeavour!) and generally tidying and weeding. It was a big effort - 4 hours in one go and I was tired and scratched by lunchtime but the front garden looks very nice now. Just the back to do now!!

I do feel that that effort was probably harder work than a 50 minute run would have been so I refuse to feel guilty about sacking the run off!

Sunday now - erm, not so great (on the diet front that is). I played golf in the morning, in the sunshine!! It was wonderful. A benign, mild, sunny breezy morning for a change and NOT what had been forecast (rain, rain and more rain). The course was wet but playable and it was truly lovely. And I played really well too. My "new" driver is still behaving itself and making a big difference to my game. My driving is much more consistent now, my faults are still there but they are less pronounced. 

 

 

 

I have always had a "power-fade"/slice which means that my ball curves to the right in flight. This used to mean that I had to aim dramatically to the left in order to keep it in play. Which was a problem because, randomly, sometimes it would go straight....into the rough on the left. Or sometimes, the slice was too wild even for the aim compensation and it would fly off in to the woods on the right. Now, although my ball still veers right, the slice is nowhere near as dramatic so I have the confidence to aim in broadly the right direction and, without the big curve right, it goes a lot further too! It makes a round of golf sooooo much more relaxing. Instead of having to hunt anxiously through the wet grass or deep undergrowth, I just saunter up the fairway....a miracle.

And without the ocasional wild disasters, my overall scores are improving too. I wasn't playing in a competition yesterday but marked a card anyway and found that I'd played my best round of the season by far - 5 under par. I would have had my handicap cut quite a bit if it had been official! It was so pleasurable but now I'm nervous that it can't last.... Pleeeeaaase Golfing Gods, let it last - I have 3 rounds of competitive golf coming up this week and I'd love to do well in at least one of them.

It has just struck me as I type this, that the new driver is a little like my new dieting lifestyle (yes, I'm stretching a little with this but stick with me). Whereas before I was always at the extremes; either strictly in control and losing quickly (the ocasional straight and long drives) or wildly off-course and risking getting lost in the rough for long periods. Now, I'm much less extreme in both dieting and non-dieting mode. I don't gain big chunks of weight when I'm off-course, but neither do I lose big chunks when I'm "going straight". It's a much more relaxing and enjoyable way to live and hopefully, as with the golf, my "scores" will start to come down gradually too.

The "bad" news from Sunday was the delicious high tea I scoffed while watching the Wimbledon final over at my friend Jenny's place. It was a belated birthday celebration for her; she had me and 2 couples with their assortment of kids over. Although there were LOADS of kids, it wasn't too painful as they sort of cancelled themselves out. As they all get on and thus don't want to spend time with boring parents they left us alone all afternoon (apart from ocasional locust-like forays down to the table of cakes etc!). 

 

 

 

And what a lovely table it was! Jenny had baked scones (with jam and clotted cream) and the others had brough a selection of cakes - walnut and coffee; lemon drizzle; and chocolate crunch. True to my non-child bearing status, I brought Pimms and lemonade!! I didn't take Rich though 'cos he was golfing but, having met again the other "husbands", I think he'd get on with them fine and would be fine with a mellow, family-based Saturday afternoon. Maybe next time...

So, we had a really nice afternoon, catching up about old school friends (we had all just missed a 25 year reunion but vowed that we WILL go to the 30th!) and just nattering through the Murray nailbiter. But too many cakes were eaten and glasses of Pimms drunk. Hey ho - extra energetic dancing tonight maybe?

 

 

Finally, by way of a Tuesday night update, I'm pleased to report that I did make it to zumba and enjoyed sweating and jumping up and down vaguely in time to music greatly. 

Pendant la deluge...

The north midlands are suffering a biblical downpour....rain and more rain since first thing this morning and plenty more to come.  I have had to cancel yet another golf match set for this evening.  I had 3 to play before 23rd and 30th July and, despite arranging nice early dates for all of them, haven't managed to play a single fixture so will end up playing them all in a rush at the end (and probably in the rain too!).  It's most annoying as I'm desperate to play at the moment while I'm still in the first flush of love with my new-to-me Ping driver.

At the moment it is the answer to my golfing prayers and I really want to make hay while the sun is shining - metaphorically of course - but am being thwarted.  Grrrr  Richard has warned me about falling in love with a golf club.  He says that they all behave wonderfully while they are on approval but, as soon as you actually pay for the club, it turns on you and that is that.  He may be right but I hope not!

The rain falls and the overgrown front garden gets wetter and wetter.  I have the front door open while I'm working from home so the dogs can come and go (not that they're at all interested in venturing outside).  I have taken to monitoring the level of the water running down the front path and wondering whether sandbags will be needed.  I think not, fortunately, as the last deluge pushed so much gravel and stuff down the street that this has diverted the water from coming down the front path. 

What a nightmare in July!!  I feel so sorry for people who have organised events which will be rained off or businesses who need a good summer to keep them going through the winter.  It is just wretched.  But, that is enough whingeing; it is what it is and we have to make the most of it.

So, instead of focussing on the grey gloom of today, I thought I'd post some photos of the Red Arrows.  They are truly wonderful to watch.  So precise and exciting.  It's shame there are only 7 of them now.  2 tragic deaths and then the first ever female pilot had to withdraw for personal reasons.  She is from my village originally - I knew her as a child - so I feel desperately sad for her.  But, even with 7 instead of 9 it is a great display.  I wonder how long the team will continue to fly in these days of massive defence cuts?  I would miss them.

No planes were harmed in the making of this blog.

Airshow weekend

HI again.  Below are some photos from the airshow last weekend.  I've double checked Peridot's checklist of acceptable photo subject matter and I'm afraid there are no cute dogs or cows and no pretty countryside.  Whoops - epic fail!

However, there is no football either?!  Does that help?  And there is some blue sky and sunshine.....

These are the RAF Falcons skydiving display team.  They didn't actually do any skydiving on Saturday due to the low clouds and high winds, just jumped out and opened their shutes.  But they were very precise and made pretty patterns in the sky and when they walked round with free handouts later, they were extremely muscly and nice to look at (I didn't touch or take a photo, what do you take me for??!) so I'll let them off!

Below is the Tornado doing an extremely realistic demonstration of what they do out in Afghanistan.  Bombing and shooting and trying to scare off the enemy from patrols on the ground.  It was sobering trying to imagine what it must be like for people on the ground.  So loud and terrifying.  And all being offered up for our enjoyment and education.....a bit weird to be honest.   They were trying to get across how they don't go in all guns blazing but do several passes to scare off non-combatants before returning to bomb the sh*t out of anyone still there.  I THINK I felt better...

Helicopters can fly backwards.  Who knew?  It looks like I caught them crossing but no - they flew side by side like this the length of the runway for our amusement.

Then they bowed to us.

A Dutch fighter jet showing off.  He was cool and extremely loud!

Right side up.

Wrong side up.

Safe and sound.

 

 

We had a lovely weekend over in the flats of Lincolnshire. We went over to my parents' on Friday evening and had a good night in the local with Dad and his ancient pals. Then Saturday morning we were off to the Weddington Airshow. It's a really good day out (honest) and we were lucky in that we picked the best day of the weekend for it. Despite an inauspicious start of torrential rain (while we had breakfast peering disconsolately out of the kitchen windows), it cleared up and stayed fine all day. We had spells of sunshine and blue sky and spells of chilly cloud cover but the organisers (being military chaps and chappesses) managed to arrange for the big displays to coincide with the sunshine so the Red Arrows, South Korean Black Eagles and Italian Frecce Tricolore teams all had blue sky and managed to show off their incredible technical ability to best effect.

As you might guess, I took a LOT of photographs! and you will be seeing a few of them here now that I have exhausted my Pembrokeshire stash. I am as nothing, however, to the proper nerdy planewatchers who congregate at these events. You know, the weirdy beardies who think they actually ARE in the military despite the fact that they're attending an airshow WITH THEIR MUM!

These strange types (the plane-spotting equivalent of twitchers, trainspotters, stamp collectors, autograph hunters etc) make a virture of seeming to be unimpressed by the showy display teams like the Red Arrows (presumably we're meant to think that they've seen them too many times to be impressed by mere pinpoint accuracy and stunning beauty) but then get all excited when a lumbering Saab cargo plane which has only just come out bores its way down the runway. They wear overly tight combat trousers and big black military style boots (as if they were in some sort of SWAT team on the streets of LA rather than being on a perfectly flat and dry airfield in rural Lincolnshire). They have walkie talkies strapped to their chunky belts and a high proportion of the older ones sport bald heads and pony tails!

They arrive early and stake out great swathes of the runwayside with their high-tec folding chairs, often creating little exclusion zones using bungee cords and windbreakers. Their cameras are earth-shatteringly high-tech with lenses over a foot long and great tripods and even sound recoding devices. Although they are sitting in the front row, they stand up and block the view of all the old people and children behind them thus forcing them to stand up too. In short (well, not that short) they are a pain. The vast majority of people at these events are great - 50,000 turn up and coexist pleasantly - but there are always a few fanatics who have to irritate. Harrumph!

Undetered, I squeezed by "little" 8 inch lens (virtually a point and press job compared to the big boys' toys around me) to a place where I could just about see stuff without standing in front of any "civilians" and clicked away to my heart's content. Rich loved it too. It was so absorbing - we found our space and stayed there from 10 'til 5 moving only for trips to buy the odd coffee or beer and to the loo. We were taken by surprise by how quickly the time flew by - a Tornado demonstration, the Red Arrows, Chinook, various helicopters, loads of aeronautical display teams and solo jets, the Eurofighter and, of course, the wonderful Battle of Britain Memorial flight. I love the sound of the Lancaster lumbering through Lincolnshire skies.

Our picnic was not SW compliant but not bad either and no real nasties so I don't even feel too guilty. I won't be able to go to WI until next Tuesday anyway as I'm golfing this evening.

Sunday was just a chilling day, recovering from all that fresh air, driving home, walking the dogs and unpacking etc. I woke this morning feeling positively refreshed and wide awake. I didn't even want to turn over and go back to sleep! I hope this feeling lasts all week. And for you lot too!

Ponderings...

Getting divorced doesn't half make you realise who your real friends are. Over the last year many people who I would have thought were friends (and for me that word means something important) have showed that, in reality, they were only ever acquaintances. Jolly, good time, "see you when we see you" pals/mates/chaps and chappesses from the pub.

This was quite a shock to me at the time but I have gradually assimilated this knowledge and got used to it and emerged pretty much unscathed by the "loss" of them on the whole. I suspect it's more hurt pride than anything. At the time I was in the habit of believing D's assertions so half-accepted his oft-repeated sneer that "everyone hates you" "no-one will talk to you" etc etc etc Maybe because I knew that I was technically the wronging party in our relationship I didn't want to go out there and reinforce ties of friendship during the difficult times, thus leaving the field clear for D's version of events to be spread far and wide.

But now, with distance, I can see that the friendships which seemed so important to me during the hell of the later years of my marriage, were just sticking plasters. Despite what I thought, I didn't give much to them other than time and boozing because I didn't have much to give. I was overly concerned with being "popular" and, crucially, I was just trying to survive. Looking back, I existed in a bubble. Yes, I would arrange events and meet-ups but mostly to make sure that I had company, to hide the fact that D and I didn't value spending time alone together, to distract him from hurting me and to insulate me from my misery. I tried to be there for friends in need but I suspect my attempts were haphazard as I was constantly treading on eggshells at home and protecting my own psyche.

I can see this now because, with the true friends I have now, I may not see them all the time but when I do it is with pure pleasure and desire to spend time with them rather than any need to "be in a gang". When I have a friend in need, I am genuinely concerned about him or her and have time and energy to try and help out in whatever way will help him/her. It is much healthier.

That doesn't let my fairweather friends off the hook. I know I would not have ditched one half of a couple just because it was awkward or because she moved down the road. Maybe it was easier to see me as the "baddie" and let me go. Maybe it was too uncomfortable to look beneath the surface and accept that I was terribly unhappy but I hope I would have at least tried.

By the way, I'm not saying I don't/didn't like my former pals or that I have fallen out with them or anything - I did and had lots of wonderful times with them. I would prefer that they were my present pals and that this post was not relevant. But they're not around so I can only look on with that knowledge.

And, on the positive side (as ever), many, many people have been there for me and a few have even come out and said that they understand what was happening to me. One, because it had happened to her too so she knew how isolating and disorienting it was. The true friends I have now seem to be steadfast and fun and we seem to be able to just get on with life, enjoy their company and forget the past. Some of them came over to Bradwell on Wednesday night for the quiz and we had a jolly night - gentle, amusing, lowkey and like old times. They staggered down to the bus stop for the last bus back to Bamford and I walked home in the balmy evening air with a massive smile on my face. I know moving on happened a long time ago but Wednesday night was one of those events where you "see" how far you have come.

So, sorry to harp on about the past. I don't want to be one of those women who is always banging on about her divorce (I don't think I am) but periodically, I have phases where I need to process a new stage in my development and talk here (in my personal place) about what it means to me. It's not something you can just put in a box and say that you're "cured" or "it's over". I need from time to time to examine my wounds to make sure that they are healing right and also to think about the wrongs I have inflicted . To make sure that I don't make the same mistakes again with friends or partner and that I behave better and with more integrity too.

NOT eating.....

I found some random walk pics from May.  As you can see, they are a little out of date as the lambs are still only babies and we're wearing fleeces...well, maybe that last one is not so relevant given the weather we're having.  It's not exactly June-like is it?

These were taken above Hathersage near Stanage Edge and Lees hall.  One of my favourite short walks - it only takes an hour but there are fields, a wood and stream, a ruined papermill and chapel, the the looming rocks of Stanage Edge and then Lees Hall itself.

Doggie on a Rock!

 The view down towards Hathersage.

Although it was sunny - we had to keep our speed up to avoid the imminent thunder storm.

The Hall is let out as a holiday let  by the Vivat Trust I believe.  I'm sure it costs a packet but what a building and what a setting!

It was a struggle after Zumba last night to haul myself back out onto the golf course this morning but I'm glad I did.  We were first out and sailed round in 3 hours.  It is called Millionaire Golf - when you have no-one in front of you and no-one behind.  We saw hardly anyone else on the course although it was busy by the time we got back to the clubhouse.

I played well but let a few too many go on the greens so my score was only okay rather than good.  I cracked my driver last week ( it is dead now) so was playing with what I hope will become my new driver and I LOVE it!  I didn't hit a bad shot with it all the way round.  Yay - happiness is a secondhand Ping G10!

On the diet front, I am exercising restraint.  Wouldn't it be nice if you lost weight by NOT eating stuff.  I mean if you got "credit" for not eating things which you wanted to eat??  I almost ate a Magnum bar today, almost had toast or cereals for breakfast, a glass of wine at lunch, a chocolate bar during my round of golf.  But managed to turn down or put away all of the above..  Heroic!  Instead, I had bacon and egs for breakfast, leftover sausage and butterbean casserole and rice/salad for lunch (hardly any sausage left in it - mostly just the veggie/bean casserole) and strawberries with yoghurt instead of the desired Magnum.

Honestly - that Magnum is becoming a trial.  I bought it weeks ago - before we went on holiday and they have been sitting in the freezer calling to me ever since.

I'm off out to take the dogs for a walk now and then some appointments later on so my day off is not going to be a lazy one.

Golfing issues

Some golfing pics from a couple of our rounds in Wales.  This was St Davids which was a stunning course.  Well, the course itself wasn't gorgeous being sort of featureless but the views FROM the course were gorgeous. 

And this was Newport Links which was a truly stunning course with views of the beach and hills beyond.  The Brains bitter beforehand was pretty good too....whistles....

So, I mentioned that I played golf today.  It was first for me - a Scratch match!  For non-golfers, this means a match against another club where it is assumed that you all play off a zero handicap so there are no shots given to the weaker player.  As I actually play off an 18 handicap, this could mean that I have to give a huge advantage to the other side so the whole concept was a little scary. 

Anyway, we were short of a team and a work meeting had just been cancelled so I agreed to play and today was the day.  It was good fun.  I went out last so was in the weakest pairing and, despite my fears about Scratch, we were pretty evenly matched.  After a ding dong battle I eventually won my match on the 18th hole which meant that the team won the game overall too.  Pat me on the back!

What I hadn't appreciated was how much faffing around there is in these matches.  We arrived at 10am and had tea and sandwiches, then played, then changed and had a meal and finally finished at 5.30pm.  For me that means a full day's leave just to play golf.  Which explains why I have only played in one match before (an A team match when you play off your official handicap).

It also explains why I didn't make it to my weigh-in.  I didn't know how long it was going to go on for or, crucially, that we would have a 3 course meal afterwards!  I could just about have made it to WI but didn't fancy it with soup, salmon salad and strawberries along with a glass of wine and 2 coffees sloshing around in my tummy!  Also, I would have been going to the later WI so would have missed Zumba.

I concluded that I'd rather Zumba and burn off supper than weigh it and get all depressed!

For the record, my home scales were showing a STS or possibly a small gain this morning so the weekend and the lurgy haven't been toooo cruel considering.

Update - lest anyone think I gibbed out of WI, Zumba was HARD!  I have worked my little socks off and feel happily and sweatily virtuous.  Hopefully I can make this a new Tuesday routine (without the golf match).  Work, WI, home to change and straight to Zumba.

Clash of the Titans

Well, Hope and Enthusiasm were no match for Feeling Poorly.

They fought valiantly but there were defeated by an occasional but racking (wracking?) cough which left me feeling weak and pathetic and sorry for myself. To be fair, I think Hope and Enthusiasm did help me fight a rearguard action and ensure that defeat did not become a rout. I have not succumbed to the worst excesses of Poorliness but there has been no proper exercise, just feeble dog walks and one round of golf last week. And there have been a few poor choices (Wednesday evening's toast bonanza and Sunday night's vat of red wine spring shamingly to mind).

It is, therefore, likely that I will not have dropped any blubber this week. The tentative green shoots of recovery peeked shyly above soil level and then failed to grow. Still, they have not been crushed so there's always next week.

Several glasses of Rioja on Sunday night watching the football did not help. Why did I not stop after 3? Why did I carry on to 6? My head hurt yesterday and I'm gloomy about the effect they will have on this evening's WI. I blame Italy for failing to put us out of our misery in normal time. I had a chance of stopping the rot if we'd been defeated in 90 minutes but an hour of extra time and penalties added a couple of glasses to accompany the nail-biting and then a final one as a consolation in defeat. I admit it, where football is concerned, my resolve is as weak and feeble as a newborn kitten!!

In other weekend news - erm, not much. A quiet day of chores and a cold, wet, windy walk on Stanage Edge on Saturday (only 90 minutes or so but "brisk"). Then on Sunday morning our respective golf games were cancelled due to waterlogged courses. We replaced golf by taking the dogs on a very pleasant 5 miler around Ladybower reservoir so all was not lost. It is becoming a struggle to find interesting walks which will not be mudfests but this one is pretty good being on decent footpaths or tracks. Then there was the fateful football watching in our local....

I have resolved to reintroduce exercise into my life now that I am almost recovered from the lurgy. Dancing tonight. Then there is a new Zumba class up at Richard's golf club on a Tuesday evening. They have held a class on a Thursday evening for a long time now but that clashes with French but, as Rich plays golf on Tuesdays, I have no excuse now. I should be able to get to my WI and then over to Zumba with no trouble but rather a lot of windy country roads. Obviously, it would be better if I could do the class BEFORE WI but that could be cheating... I also have a golf match in half an hour - off scratch - I'm going to be slaughtered! - and another tomorrow. Training on Friday so just Thursday to fill.

As to Rich's diet, heralded with Hope last week, well, I've not seen much evidence of it starting as yet although it has been mentioned in despatches a couple of times. I have provided healthy bread-free lunch options and will have to watch this space!