At last - she runs!!

I've been conscious over the last few days that Bootcamp2 has not involved as much exercise as the original Bootcamp2010! Sure, I've been to personal training twice a week which is my failsafe minimum and I've managed a few long walks since we've been back from Ireland so it has not been static but I've done less exercise here than on holiday in Ireland...hmmmm

On the plus side I've eaten and drunk way less so I've lost those 2 lbs and kept them off but I needed to re-commit to the self-driven, sweaty stuff. Monday was D's last night so just a walk, no run. Tuesday, personal training. Wednesday a meeting in Liverpool so not back until 9pm so just a hurried dog walk in the morning. Thursday, personal training.

See - life definitely intruding here. So it was imperative that tonight, Friday, I reversed the trend. But what to do??

Here I was inspired by Peridot. If she can start running again (and she hated it the first time round) then what's stopping me? Also, our dogwalker has gone and found himself a job so the walking duties are back on me. And finally, the evenings are finally light enough to do the river circuit. So that's what I did: 3 1/2 miles along the river, up a big hill and then back along a farm track. It's a nice, scenic run. The dogs get to sniff and swim and, in Minty's case, think about chasing lambs until firmly called back and I get some decent exercise. It wasn't as bad as I feared it would be. I managed the big hill despite telling myself at the outset that I could walk it if it was too hard so that's bonus.

The photos are of the route but not taken this evening as it's gloomy and rainy (but of course, it is a Bank Holiday weekend!!). Actually that's not fair - Easter weekend was great...

So - it's the weekend of the big relegation decider between Sheffield Wednesday and Crystal Palace. Wish my beloved Owls luck please. And think of me feeling sick with nerves for most of the next 2 days!! It'll all be over on Sunday afternoon and I will be out on the town undoing all my hard work through drink, come what may...

Day One - Bootcamp2!

This is getting confusing. Anyway - those 2 Irish lbs are dust - back to my stone off figure. Now need to crack on with the second stone for the summer!

I've been feeling really happy with my shape and thinking I could happily stick at this weight etc because it was less than I have been. Then I looked at the pics from the rugby club do - I had been so pleased with the size 16 dress but now I realise I can do better. I know I looked good and I am still pleased with my shape and toning etc but size 16 is still size 16 however I phrase it.

So the next target is now size 14, top and bottom. I'm prob already a 14 on the top in lots of places and can fit into Wallis 14s on the bottom too (yeah - I know they have vanity sizing...) but that is my next target. And after 14, who knows?

Ultimately, why should I settle for looking "pretty good" considering" when, with a bit of effort, I could be "pretty damned good"??

Bootcamp 2!!

I've had a couple of weeks off while on holiday in Ireland over and the end of last week but have managed not to gain more than a couple of lbs so no damage done. D is back to the rig tomorrow morning so Bootcamp 2 proper starts again tomorrow. Well, in reality it started today as I've been very good but not done any exercise so that doesn't really count.

Anyway, I have May's calendar up in the kitchen and the scales will be stepped on tomorrow morning (not that I've been avoiding them or anything but just not being scrupulous about weighing every day).

I'm being filmed for the follow up of My Big Fat Cycle Challenge on May 20th so have nearly 3 weeks to drop another few lbs. That's a pretty good target to go for I think.

We had a busy weekend - a long walk on Saturday - 7 brisk hilly miles; followed by worrying about Sheffield Wednesday against Cardiff; followed by drinking away my sorrow at the loss and our penultimate step towards relegation at the local rugby club's dinner! It was the 30th anniversary of the founding of the club and they have had an AMAZING season so it was a well attended and brilliant night out. The club has won all records, top of the league by miles, over 1000 points scored, only one loss all year - just amazing stuff. It was great to see so many young lads having a great time and being really proud of their achievements. Not to mention the old players gossiping away as if they hadn't stopped playing decades ago!


Sunday was knackering though - had to get up early to get to the Rec to set up for the Play Area launch event! About bloody time - we've been harassing the contractors for ages and it was finally finished a couple of weeks ago. It was brilliant to see the Rec swarming with kids and a couple of hundred locals. There was face painting, home made ice cream, a balloon launch, cupcakes, tea, coffee - Rck and Roll!!

I had to make a speech which was a bit of a downer but luckily it rained right in the middle so I don't think anyone was listening too closely.....

Anyway, after all that, I ducked out of the tidying up to spend a few hours with D on his last Sunday home and we went up for early doors at the pub - it was a cracking afternoon/evening - really funny and good craic. Just like old times. Eating was all over the place and a few drinks etc but a great weekend and tha's what counts really.

Back to austerity tomorrow but I'm almost looking forward to it. Will post pics of my dress soon - I was really proud of it! Have a great week everyone!!

The Blues

Happy St Georges Day everyone!!

I was feeling really chirpy and productive today. Went shopping at lunchtime and actuallybought a Maxi Dress! It looks great on but I have not the foggiest idea when or how I'm going to wear it. So that's by way of illustration of how happy I was feeling.

Then this evening my good mood just died. Mostly D related. Nothing big or nasty or anything; no row or fight. Just a series of small disappointments leaving me down and sorrowful. I wish we had had a row; at least I'd be angry now. This is horrible.

But - I'm remembering what Steve Peters used to say this time last year about my chimp etc. I can CHOOSE my mood. She may offer me down and sorrowful and it may be seductively attractive to take that option and have a good weep and generally mope around all evening. But really, deep down inside, that's not what I want! What I want is to cheer up, go out and have a good time. If D chooses to join me in this venture then great, if not and it all stays grumpy then at least I haven't given in to the gloom.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Also - I'm pleased to report that I didn't eat more as a result of this gloom - I actually ate less! I had a small pork chop, a couple of mushrooms and some veg but no spuds or anything else bad. Go me!

Have not managed to do any exercise today for various reasons but have all day free tomorrow and I will definitely get out and about in what is forecast to be the last day of the good weather around here at least.

Have a great weekend everyone. Thanks for listening - I'm feeling happier already!

Trial By Ireland!!

Hey, just noticed this is my 601st post! Go me!



Anyway, back to the matter at hand. The stats from this last week are as follows:

• 7 days in Ireland


• 5 hilly mountain bikes rides (3 of around an hour or so and 2 monster rides)


• 4 big dog walks at MIL pace (ie. BRISK!)


• Much walking round the top field but I don't think that counts...


• 2 night's drinking


• Many tasty and calorific things resisted .


• Some tasty and calorific things not resisted
  
• 2 (maybe 3...) lbs gained.

That is not bad at all. There have been times when I've gained over half a stone in a week in Ireland.

We've had a lovely time and reconnected with family and friends so what's a couple of lbs between friends?

We're off to Dublin to catch the ferry at sparrow's fart tomorrow so we'll be back at home tomorrow night and back to work on Thursday. And that's that.

Partial Sucess!

I love primroses on a bank - so pretty and springlike.

The gang - MIL, Fiona, Kevin and D.

St Senans. It's a Psychiatric hospital sited just above the River Slaney. A beautiful building but about to close so it is facing an uncertain future.

That's both me and Sheffield Wednesday! I was aiming to keep up with the exercise and focus on portion control and I've done that reasonably well. It probably wasn't the best idea to be trying to cut back on a Sunday in Ireland!! Jaysus (as they say around here) they like to eat! Nellie had the dinner cooked by 2pm - roast beef with all the trimmings, pavlova, trifle and fruit cake for dessert - what can you do? I was quite restrained on the meat and only had one small spud. A very small spoonful of trifle and no other dessert - not exactly nothing but a lot better than it could have been!

Luckily I had got wind of what was in train so I managed an hour and a half on the mountain bike before lunch. I didn't go up the big hill I tackled yesterday but there are plenty of pretty tiring hills roundabout so I was well worked out.

Then after lunch we all went for a walk around the Ringwood. About an hour of hilly, wooded wander - lovely stuff and great for getting the food digested.

The trouble comes when, only a few hours after lunch (it felt like mere minutes), a massive "salad" appears on the table. I say salad but it is coleslaw, potato salad, brown bread, chips, and all manner of other goodies. If I hadn't got the lettuce, cucumber and tomato out of the fridge, there it would have stayed! As well as the ubiquitous pavlova, fruit cake, scones, apple tart etc etc. I tell you - it's a nightmare!

I managed to resist the bread and chips but a scone sneaked through.... Now feeling full AGAIN!

Must try harder tomorrow. I'm hoping that it won'd be such a trial as D's sister and husband have now left to go back to Cork so maybe tomorrow we'll be back to normal.

In between dodging calories I've been stressing about Sheffield Wednesday. My phone has been red hot with texts from fellow Wednesdayites and Facebook was lit up with the football chat. D tutting away but even he refrained from nagging as he could see how worked up I was. It was a draw. We went ahead but they equalised in the second half so only a point. My pals tell me they were "jammy bastards" but I suspect the blue and white tinted glasses may have been on!

A point is a point but we're still in the relegation zone and only have 2 more games to go. It's not looking good for us. Cardiff away next Saturday and then the massive last game at home against Crystal Palace who are our nearest rivals for relegation. I'm feeling sick already just thinking about it.

So gorgeous

Me on my return from my bike ride this morning - knackered but elated!

Shelagh loves the quad - Minty not keen but doesn't like to be left out so runs along side.

D and his sister Fiona - aint they sweet??

Me being summoned back from the top field for lunch - I was tired so accepted the lift!!

The dogs have taken to playing footie - like proper English girls! They bark and bark until someone kicks the ball for them.

A posed photoshoot - it looks as though we're in Romania or somewhere!! We just need a donkey and a headscarf.....

I seem to have clicked into "Irish time" now after a few days here. The cough and sore throat is not as bad and I'm happier to laze around. But then again, who wouldn't be with weather like this? I hope it's as good back in the UK.

D's sister and her husband came over from Cork last night so we went to the pub with them and had a good chinwag, hence a bit of a hangover this morning. But did I let it deter me from exercise?? Well, yes, it definitely did deter me but I managed to get through the barrier by 11am! The rest of them were shaping up for one of those frustrating mornings of hanging around doing not very much so I just headed out with no clear idea of where I was going.

I dimly remembered a walk on Bree Hill being nice a few years ago and had spotted a sign for Bree yesterday so that became the plan. It's a bit of a nightmare cycling round here - only 1 in 10 road junctions have any signage at all and even those signs are not what you'd call reliable! So, I tend to navigate by "feel" and by occasional sightings of Vinegar Hill in the distance! It's a method that's not let me down yet....

Bree Hill is a big forestry covered hilltop behind a village about 8km from D's parents place. The roads were terrible, really potholey and windy so tricky traffic at times but that's what bright colours and mountain bike tyres are for. The road wound gradually uphill til I reached the village then plunged dramatically vertically upwards once in the Forestry. It was tough man, tough I tells ya! So much so that when I got to the middle of the forest and the peak (no view - huh!) I literally dropped the bike and collapsed onto the mossy dry leaves, chest heaving and panted for about 10 minutes!!

But once on top things improved. there were loads of unofficial mountain bike trails and jumps so I had a great time hooning around for 30 minutes or so and then an even better time whizzing down the other side of the hill. What a great downhill!! Then I meandered my way back via another couple of local villages, taking in the sights and sounds and taking a few pics on my phone. (I can't upload them here though as I didn't bring my phone lead!!)

The downside to adjusting to "Irish time" is that I've also adjusted my food intake! The portions have crept up in size and pudding is being had! I've tried to curb it to today but still feel like I've eaten too much. So, that's is tomorrow's target - re-adjust to "normal" portions!

Apart from that, it's been mucking around on the quad bike - honestly I think we look like we're auditioning for an Irish version of the Beverley Hillbillies! - lazing on the lawn, reading, snoozing and playing football with the dogs. What a great Saturday.

There is also lowlevel but constant anxiety about tomorrow's Steel City Derby between Sheffield Wednesday (my team) and Sheffield United. I'm gutted to be missing it as it'll be the biggest game of our season with a gate of over 35,000. It's also crucial that Wednesday wins as we're in the relegation zone with only 3 games left. Prayers and finegrs crossed for us please!!

Gorgeous weather

Me relenting and having a spin on the quadbike this morning. Well, I did have a few goes yesterday but no official photographer in attendance!

Minty loves nestling down into Nellie's heather, don't know why but she looks very cute!

We are having the most beautiful April you can imagine. It's hard to think that there is God knows how much volcanic ash up there in the atmosphere as the sky is as blue as forget me nots!

I'm still smothered with a cough and scratchy throat which is putting a bit of a downer on the hols for me but managing to have fun despite that. It seems to be okay during the morning and then gets gradually worse as the day progresses until I sound like some consumptive hacker by teatime!

Today was a leisurely morning; a quick spin on the quad bike (of course!); a few chores in town and then over to the beach for a walk. Hope you like the pics.

The lovely beach at Curracloe:

Shelagh is some swimmer - she times the waves and gradually works her way out until she reaches the object of her desire!

D and his ma, Nellie. A great woman, so loving and energetic.

Me and the boy D on a log - don't ask me why.

Once we walk along the beach we cut into the woods and back to the car.

Just stopping for another quick swim of course!

I'm feeling a bit fat though so need to get some more exercise tomorrow or I'll have to cut back on the food which is not an attractive option in this house of gorgeous stuff. I'm feeling a bit ropey this evening so am going to get out on the mountain bike first thing for a really long wander around while the rest of them are out on the quad and bullshitting. D's sister, Fiona and her husband Kevin are coming over this evening so there'll be plenty of people around to entertain each other in my absence!

Slightly more human now

It was a long old journey yesterday. I have a wicked cough and sore throat and we had to take the slow ferry because we're towing a trailer so it took forever. We set off at 7.45am and got in 12 hours later. It's not a bad trip but just takes a long time which, when your throat hurts and you have grouchy dogs to cope with, is tough.



So, I had a bit of a pity party for me yesterday but I feel a lot happier now that I've had a good night's rest and more importantly, a shower!! The weather is amazing here - gorgeous blue sky and sunshine and very warm. Trouble is, we're not out and about exercising our little legs off. Oh no! It's hanging around the homestead time. D and his Dad playing with the quad bike and me chaffing with his ma. It's lovely but after a few hours of it I start to go stir crazy!! The sunnier the weather, the worse it is!!

This morning was genuinely hilarious though. Once D and his dad had got the quad going, they attached to it a little trailer D's dad had made with an old car seat wlded into the back. Then they loaded up D's brother Patrick into the said seat and set up round the top field. As you can see, not exactly H&S approved but Patrick LOVED it! He's mentally and physically handicapped (no idea if this is the currently approved terminology) but has always adored tractors, diggers and machinery of any sort. So his idea of heaven is pelting round the top field with D and the rest of the family in tow.

After Paddy, we all had a go including me and Nellie and much fun. Trouble is, then the boys start working out how to "improve" the quad so then the fun stops, they get all obsessed with gears, oil etc and that's me left trailing round the fields with the dogs hankering for proper exercise.

If I knew I wasn't going to get it, I could just say, right, I'm off out on my mountain bike but then there's lunch and then there's a plan to go to the beach, which probably won't happen, so I hang around getting more and more irritated and feeling like I'm wasting the lovely sunshine.

God - I sound like such a miserable cow! Truly, I love my inlaws and everything but it is a very frustrating "holiday" for me. So, rather than nagging D and upsetting everyone, I'm venting my feelings here, safe in the knowledge that you lot won't judge me ill. I know it's hard for D too - he wants to spend time with his family of course and they can't leave Paddy so he doesn't want to just desert them on our first day home.

Tomorrow maybe. Wish me luck!

Update - I was spot on. About 3pm came and now it's "too late" to go to the beach. So I got into my biking gear and went for a 2 hour mountain bike ride round the hilly country lanes, leaving the lads sanding and painting the quad. It was gorgeous, hard work, especially with a scratchy throat but beautiful scenery and great exercise. This is what I will do all week I think. Should save on stress.

Sigh

Hopefully I'll be happier tomorrow and will enjoy Ireland when I get there...

Warning - grumpy cow alert!

I have a nasty tickly cough and soooore throat. I've been working like an idiot to get my work done in order to go on holiday tomorrow. A holiday I was not that bothered about going on. I have a grumpy pig of a husband who seems to think that I should do all the work for this holiday and sod my job and the fact that I'm not well. I want to eat but I'm not going to.

I still have to pack, finish off some work and try to sleep with the tickly cough and the grumpy husband.

Not a happy bunny.

Complacency

I've been here before. I've had sucess and then it has stalled. My chimp seizes on the sucess and convinces me that losing weight is easy and that I have it pegged so don't need to keep doing whatever it was I was doing to be sucessful. So, being brutally honest and using my chart for verification, I note that I'm exactly the same weight now as I was last weekend. So - no progress downwards in a whole week. Not a disaster as I have not gained anything but not the desired effect.

So, it's back to the grindstone for me. Personal training this evening and a light supper, not a big evening meal with D. I have had my usual sensible breakfast and healthy sushi lunch so hopefully this will kickstart a downward trend for the next couple of weeks. [Update - PT was soooo hard today but I feel great now and have had just a simple supper and water. I'm back baby!!]

We're off to Ireland on Wednesday for a week which is always difficult foodwise but at least affords time for exercise. I'm taking my bike and am going to exercise like a Mo-Fo and no excuses. I want to keep this good thing going.

It is harder to stick to it while D is at home though. I drank more over the weekend 'cos I was out with him. I cooked bigger meals and did less exercise. I would have played golf and gone for a bike ride but instead pottered around the house and took the dogs for walks. Well, I did manage a short gym session on Saturday morning as well. All very nice but not as hardcore. But it's hard to prioritise exercise when you also want to prioritise spending time with OH. It would help if he played golf or went mountain biking to be honest....sigh.....

In other news, my team won the Pub Quiz League Cup Final last night!! What a triumph (tee hee). It was funny and we all bounced back into the local full of ourselves with our little silver plate to go in the pub's (currently empty) trophy cabinet - In Your Faces Darts and Dominos!! And I won March's rowing challenge at the gym. That's 2 on the bounce. I'm not looking forward to this month though - 10,000m!! That'll take ages - 45 to 50 minutes at a guess. Yuck.

Also, some of you might remember that I'm part of a small group of women from the village who have raised a load of money and got a grant from the Lottery to refurbish our local play area. It's been going on for a couple of years but it is FINALLY finished and open. We raised £75,000 in total and the contractors installed the equipment before Christmas but were so incoompetent (and thwarted by the bad weather too to be fair) that they've only just put everything right and got the safety certificate through last week.

From this:

To this!:

It was fantastic to see it swarming with kids over the weekend - just in time for the nice weather. We're having our grand launch event on Sunday 25th April and then it's over, or, more probably knowing this village, on to the next project.....

It has been satisfying to see what 5 ordinary women can achieve from nothing. Just sitting down together in the pub a couple of times a month, sharing out the tasks and working our way methodically through what needs to be done. Asking for help where needed (that's how I got involved - legal assistance in filling in grant application forms etc and setting up a blog etc) and just plowing through. No egos, no arguments, no big committee mentality, no blokes. It's been great. That's not to say that we haven't had male assistance from time to time - working on the play area to keep it open in the meantime, helping us with stands for various fundraising events, running a barbeque at the carnival, a local architect helped us out at the end in fighting with the recalcitrant contractor but our little group has been at the core and I'm proud of us.

Serious questions

Debbie (the very sucessful Ex Yo-Yo Dieter) asked a couple of very prescient questions in her last comment on this blog. She asked whether my recent sucess coincided with my husband's absence and whether I generally find it easier to be "good" while he is away.

Regular, long-term readers will know that my weight and my husband are not issues that mix well. He has never been one of those guys who professes that my weight just doesn't matter and that he hardly notices etc etc. I used to read slimming sucess articles in various magazines and always marvelled at those husbands! Where were the ones who blame your weight for everything wrong in your relationship; who say they don't fancy you when you're fat; who call you greedy and lazy and who say that they might leave you if you don't lose weight???

Yep, I have been the woman married to that man and I can't believe that I'm alone in this. I'm not proud of it and he sure as hell shouldn't be either. That said, it all sounds very shocking when it's written down but those few phrases don't tell the whole story of a marriage so please don't all assume that he's the world's worst pig because of that. He is not, he just has a blindspot to do with my weight and doesn't cope very well with talking about it.

As I have got stronger and to know myself better we have learned to manage this issue between us. I hope he is coming to trust that I'm not going to pile the weight back on (hell, I'm only just coming to trust that myself!). And this is having the result of us being able to be more relaxed about weight, food, exercise etc. I'm coming to trust that, although he may, in the heat of a row, say horrible things about my weight, he is incredibly loyal and has been very supportive in that bloke way. So actions speak louder than words.

So, there's the potted history for background. Now to the questions.

Yes, D has been away for the last 3 weeks coinciding with the start of Bootcamp2010 and that was intentional. Especially when I'm just starting, it is very helpful to have a clear run at things, to be able to clear the fridge and cupboards and not juggle social life with gym or exercise. Now I'm on a roll and have achieved some sucess, it's fine to prioritise exercise and minimise drinking etc but I find it difficult to start that way.

I find it harder to diet while D is at home for the simple fact that there is more food in the house. Bread (which I seldom buy and leave in the freezer when I do) litters the kitchen for D is a chap who buys a fresh loaf every day and leaves the old ones to moulder until I throw them out!! Full fat milk. Coffee always made. The occasional packet of biscuits knocking around. Also, we eat supper together so I tend to cook more elaborate evening meals involving meat and potatoes when D's at home rather than the snacks and salads I will aim for when he's away. I know I can still have the light meals and salads and cook D something else or just not have the spuds etc. but the temptation is there and I inevitably succumb a bit more often!

When I'm on a roll as I am now, the psychological side of the D/weight issues question is not so prevalent. I'm currently in control and therefore there is no problem. The problems start when I'm falling off the wagon. When I can see D observing me eating stuff I shouldn't. Even if he doesn't say anything, I feel it. Maybe I'm making it up but maybe not. The net effect is that I either feel bad about myself and therefore more likely to retreat to food or defiant. It's a distorting influence.

I wish I could be more resilient but I suppose I'm projecting my own disapproval of what I'm doing onto D in a way to spur me on.

That's why I'm trying to be very clear-thinking with this Bootcamp idea. Full, objective accountability of what I'm doing in terms of weight, exercise and food intake so I don't rely on subjective "shoulds" and "oughts" and "good" and "bad". It's helping. I have to keep up with it while under the greater pressure that D's presence in the hosue inevitably brings!! Wish me luck.

After all that rather negative sounding stuff - we're going to go out for a walk now with the dogs in the gorgeous spring sunshine and I can't wait. He's not a bad old stick really... I just thought saying the unsayable might help some other women who, like me, aren't blessed with the supportive, blind-to-weight type of husband or boyfriend.

Why sucess? Why now?

Isn't it strange? What, you ask. Isn't it strange how you can try and try and try for months to get into the swing of weight loss and then suddenly it clicks and you power on through? I knew I was slowly gaining a few lbs last autumn: 4 or 5 came back from Botswana; another few in November through all my 40th birthday shenanigans; another few over Christmas and then, after my failed attempts to sucessfully lose (and keep off) the Christmas lbs, another few in February.


All in all, that added up to 20lbs since filming stopped in July last year (mostly at the back end of the summer as I had dropped a few lbs straight after filming stopped). I knew I had to do something about it but couldn't find a rhythym. I would lose a few lbs over 4 or 5 days and then put them back on over the weekend.


It all changed when I went on that fateful mountain bike ride with Vicky about 4 weeks ago. I realised that, while I was happy with my life and not, strange to say, distraught about the extra weight (TV show or no TV show), I was cheesed off that the extra weight was affecting what I could do physically.


I had previously been about the same standard as Vicky and suddenly I was floundering. The fact that I could feel the extra lbs weighing me down and slowing my riding was disheartening but inarguable. Those extra lbs were robbing my pleasure in the great outdoors through the searing pain in my legs and chest of trying to haul them up hills, which I'd previously managed without pain. This was what annoyed me sufficiently to spur me into action. Not worrying about what I "should" weigh or that I had "failed" by gaining weight. I was simply irritated by the limitations imposed by my weight.


Wow! A big breakthrough for me.


And then another - I actually did something about it. I've been on Bootcamp2010 for exactly 3 weeks today and have lost exactly 1 stone! I'm very pleased with that. I have to say that "Bootcamp" may be a bit of a misnomer as I have actually drunk more during those 3 weeks than I have for a while but my attitude to food has been freeing. I've just not been bothered by it. I eat pretty much what I fancy but not much. If I miss a meal, well, it won't kill me to be hungry. If I have a curry or chips, aaah get some exercise done and cut back before or after. On easy, routine work days, I have an easy, routine diet which fills me up and is healthy and on non-routine days, I don't sweat it.


I do some form of exercise every day and have only missed twice in 3 weeks (which is also fine). And I push myself in that exercise. I'm not coasting or doing exercise for form's sake. I'm really sweating it out, pushing my limits and testing myself and it's fun.


So - can I manage another 4 weeks of Bootcamp2010?? Don't see why not. We're going to Ireland in the middle of that but it should help to have that discipline. I'm not setting any weightloss targets - I just want to continue this relaxed style of living and get progressively stronger and fitter (and thinner!).


On a darker note, D is due back on Friday. I truly hope that his presence back in the house (while welcome and anticipated, of course) doesn't have a negative effect on my attitude to food. I suspect it will and want to try and analyse why. I know that D's attitude to my weight has been hard to take over the years and my perceiving him as judging me makes me feel defensive and more likely to retreat back to food.


I have to focus on my chimp, preserving her self-esteem and not worrying about D. His (and his chimp's) attitude to my weight is HIS issue and I don't need to buy into it. Maybe I'm borrowing trouble by anticipating this as an issue but experience tells me that I need to be prepared. Sounds so horrible. I wish he was one of those guys who "doesn't notice" what I weigh, like you read in the magazines. But he's not and that's that. I'm definitely making progress here though. I'm recognising that my defensiveness about weight is a manifestation of my chimp's fear of D leaving me. I'm not afraid of this, but she is and therefore she tells me to worry, panic, freeze, eat etc. I'm gradually learning to value myself for who I am not who I'm with or what I look like and this is giving me strength to live as I want to live and not react to this irrational fear by being paralysed into inactivity or eating.


Well, that got a bit heavy. I think it's because I'm changing. Long may it last.

Sunshine is sooooo great!

After all this rain it has been a pleasure to get out of the house this afternoon and play golf again. I had a decent round, not as good as last Sunday but there was a brisk wind which didn't help. Lovely fresh air and sunshine with gorgeous views. What's not to like?


I had a severe case of cabin fever yesterday so on a whim, decided to drive down to London for the Sheffield Wednesday against QPR match!! I know - a bit of a nutter. I managed to persuade my friend Nicola (a former Owl who now lives in Middlesex) to come too although it was last minute; I didn't know whether she'd make it as I was driving down and I'd decided to go to the game come what may! Also I have another friend from my trainee days who now lives in Shepherds Bush so I arranged to meet her for lunch before the game. Haven't seen her for ages but it was short and sweet as her son is not well so she couldn't spare much time off. I had hoped to stay with her overnight actually but saw which way the wind was blowing there and decided to drive back!!


You know when someone is saying one thing but would actually prefer the exact opposite?!!


Anyway, I didn't fancy staying at Nicola's either as she lives miles away and she would be getting up at crack of dawn to go to rowing training! So, all in all a rapid fire dash into London and out was fine and although the drive was quite long and tiring it wasn't too bad.


The game was pretty dire - we managed an equaliser in the last 20 minutes though so scraped a point.....phew! I also saw an unsavoury side to the game which I've never previously seen - some Wednesday fans (I'm ashamed to say) came in and sat close by us and started with racist chanting. Actually, when I think about it, they might not have been Wednesday as they had London accents. There were 4 of them - proper BNP thugs types. It was horrible; everyone around us was really uncomfortable - lots of couples, kids, women, so no-one wanted to challenge them as they looked nasty pieces of work.


Anyway, everyone was shifting away from them so far as possible and then they unfurled a banner over the side of the balcony (we were sitting on the upper tier). No idea what it said but I bet it wasn't good - and within minutes they were surrounded by big, burly (and mostly black) stewards and ejected. Hooorah! I wish they'd called the police though as then these vile idiots would have got banning orders instead of just missing the game (which they weren't interested in anyway).


I absolutely hate that my beloved football gets hijacked by these horrible horrible people. It was heartening how little support they got though and how many people congratulated the stewards for ejecting them.

Anyway, I suppose I'd better report how I'm doing on Bootcamp2010 - stuck on 13.5lbs!! I'm hopeful that I'll get my stone off before Wednesday which is the 3 week mark. Very happy with this progress and feeling much slimmer and fitter.

Happy despite the weather!

Yes I was 6 stone heavier in this pic than I am now but I was happy then too!!

Just got on the scale to see another decent drop! I've now lost 13lbs!! It's raining and I've got loads of chores to be doing, half of which involve being outside but I don't care. I FEEL slimmer now.

What an incentive it is when you start to really see your progress.

At this rate, I might be back down to where I was when we stopped filming last summer!!

How weird to be so happy about re-tracing old ground. But I am, becuase I'm doing it through healthy eating, exercise, controlling my chimp and having fun. Better than LL and gives me hope that I'll be able to control my weight in the future, surely the Holy Grail??!

Anyway, will stop gushing now but had to record this bubble of excitement.

Phew!!

Although I love the snow, I miss the lovely sunshine we had last weekend so thought I'd find some happy sunny pics to cheers myself up. This one from hiking in the Cederbergs in South Africa a couple of years ago.

King Proteas in the Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens in Cape Town. Gorgeous.

Me bathed in the evening sunset on top of Signal Hill overlooking Cape Town and Robben Island there in the background. What a happy evening that was.

It's been one hell of a hard week. Work has gone mad and I've really been putting in the hours. As a result I've not been pushing Bootcamp2010 but have been so busy that I've not eaten much either. Have fallen into a nice routine and dropped a lb taking me to a total of 9 off so far.

Since my sporting weekend, I managed training on Monday night, a swim on Wednesday and training again this morning so exercise not too bad. I always said I would allow myself 1 day off per week to allow my muscles to rest so Tuesday not a blip.

I'm going to have to guard against the drinking this weekend though, especially after the week I've had. I'm wanting to sink into a scrummy vat of red wine (not a spritzer this time Peri!! - the shame....) I've not got anything in particular planned but there are several events looming - a Grease party on Saturday night, a band on at the Travellers on Sunday, the football on Monday and I was hoping to fit in a round of golf, a bike ride and a couple of walks too.

Looking out of the window though might give lie to these optimistic plans for exercise (although not to the nights out unfortuntely)! It is chucking it down with wet, icy sleet at the moment. It was thick fat flakes of snow as I drove home over the tops this evening so it's only because I'm on the valley floor that we're not snowed in!

Think golf will be a no-no; the course will be water-logged. Not sure about mountain biking, maybe could go out on the roads. Walks won't be much fun either. I suspect my emergency gym membership will come into its own. At least I'll be able to see whether I've managed to win the March Rowing Challenge anyway! And 'think' about doing the April one - 10,000m!! That is a looooong way on a rowing machine. It'll take 45 minutes or so!

Anyway, I'm rambling and ready for the pub so will break off this stream of consciousness stuff. Have a great Easter everyone and only have a little easter egg but the best one you can find!!